Parent Pimps Articles

Celebrity parents who pimp out their children for fame.

What Little J wears to church

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 6, 2009 16:01:54 April 6, 2009 16:01:54

Palm Sunday yesterday… This is Taylor Momsen, 15 years old, of Gossip Girl, walking back from church with her sister and her mom. If I looked like this for church, my mother in law would feed me bad sausage. But an old school Polish lady is not the mother of a child star. This mother of a child star is a style plate herself. Full Story

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I’ll say it for you

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 6, 2009 08:40:26 April 6, 2009 08:40:26

The suggestion is revolting, totally. But I’m not the one parading my 16 year old kid on every carpet like a 25 year old. This is JailBait Miley Cyrus at the ACM Awards last night looking like her father’s wife. Yeah, I said it. I said what you were thinking. We are all thinking… Electra Complex comes to Hollywood. Full Story

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The scariest carpet in the world

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 3, 2009 09:05:14 April 3, 2009 09:05:14

This was not the premiere for a horror flick. But the fright is so much worse. Seen on the carpet last night at the Hannah Montana movie – just a few of the twats of Disney future: Madeline Carroll 13Anna Maria Perez de Taglé 18Debby Ryan 15Bella Thorne 11 Are they too young? Am I too mean? Bad Lainey being cruel to the children? Please. Full Story

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Where was your father last night?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 3, 2009 07:57:31 April 3, 2009 07:57:31

Mine was at home getting squawked at. JailBait Miley Cyrus’s was on the red carpet at the Hannah Montana movie premiere last night, spackled with a month’s worth of foundation, that f-cking soul patch freshly combed out, working the full douchebag pose in front of the cameras. Why don’t more people find this embarrassing? Why is JailBait’s mouth so embarrassing? Check it out, begging you to smack it. Full Story

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Where was your mother last night?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 3, 2009 07:45:09 April 3, 2009 07:45:09

My mother was at home. She’s been at home for 2 days recovering from surgery, driving us crazy. My dad in particular. Because he’s there. At least with me, I have the phone as a buffer. Recovery means no casino. Recovery also means no mahjong. No casino and no mahjong means she’s bored. Full Story

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Our favourite line

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 2, 2009 09:19:01 April 2, 2009 09:19:01

Mother of the Year Dina Lohan needed some leftovers last week. So she took her daughters Lindsay and Ali to Villa expecting to cougar-up on some of Lilo’s discards. Problem? Ali is 15. She looks 40 but her birth certificate says 15. So they were turned away at the door. Am shocked. Am shocked the guy working security didn’t wave them right through. Full Story

Girls & Gifts

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2009 09:37:00 March 31, 2009 09:37:00

Lindsay Lohan has been rolling around recently in a sweet ride – a Maserati valued at, so they say, $100,000. Her assistant nicked it last week and apparently it cost ten grand to fix the damage (very minor). Aside: why the f-ck does unhireable Lindsay Lohan have an assistant??? I work 2 ½ jobs, I don’t have an assistant. Full Story

Violence is wrong

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 30, 2009 14:35:11 March 30, 2009 14:35:11

Of course it is. I know this. Totally. But don’t lie. Don’t lie because I won’t believe you. You, like me, you want to punch her, don’t you? In the mouth. A punch in her beat-me mouth, I know you want to. Doesn’t mean you WILL but it doesn’t change the fact that you WANT to. Full Story

Crack ramblings run in the family

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 25, 2009 11:55:00 March 25, 2009 11:55:00

Oh the Lohans… What would we do without the Lohans? Thanks to Matthew L for sending me a link to Dina Lohan’s Twitter – it’s my favourite thing about today. She’s like John Mayer. Except her grammar is for sh-t. And she can’t function within 140 characters. So her sentences get cut off. Full Story

Is that the only reason?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 11, 2009 08:46:08 March 11, 2009 08:46:08

JailBait Miley Cyrus is currently on some kind of promotional tour – book, movie, virginity – and was on the radio yesterday with Detroit’s Mojo in the Morning on WKQI when she was asked when she and that f-cking 20 year old loser she’s dating Justin Gaston are moving in together. Full Story

Sit DOWN Panettiere

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 9, 2009 09:27:57 March 9, 2009 09:27:57

Little bitch, big ego, needs to sit the f-ck DOWN. Hayden Panettiere was on the carpet at an event in Hawaii the other day. It was a fundraiser for a local hospital. The press was there. This is why SHE was there. To PROMOTE the cause. Hayden was crusty from the moment she arrived, barking at photographers to “back up!” when she arrived at the step and repeat. Full Story

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