Parent Pimps Articles

Celebrity parents who pimp out their children for fame.

Love Lessons from a 14 year old

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 9, 2008 10:55:16 July 9, 2008 10:55:16

“These arms…they ache. And this soul…is in pain”. Lyrics from Ali Lohan’s new song All The Way Around in which she addresses learning from her love mistakes. What??? She’s 14!!! Although I suppose it’s not easy to remember that, given that Dina has whored her up and classed her down, the way she does all her daughters, so that what was supposed to be an adolescent time of discovery has now become an adolescent time of pimpage. Full Story

Taupe and Violet smiling

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 2, 2008 15:05:27 July 2, 2008 15:05:27

Taupe and Violet out and about today… and is it just me or is Jennifer Garner a little bigger ‘round the bust area? Jennifer Garner isn’t known for being chesty. These photos should give the bump nuts even more reason to flap, non? Once again, to reiterate, she and Ben Affleck are fine. Full Story

Pimping > Parenting

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 5, 2008 06:26:30 June 5, 2008 06:26:30

Obviously it sucks for her love life… but it’s also f*cking embarrassing. To have the reputation that not only can she not hold a man, she needs daddy to hold on to him for her, and as always, at the heart of it all, a father who cannot control his own greed. Check out the latest cover of Us Weekly Full Story

Why Jess Gets No Respect

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 26, 2008 06:18:35 May 26, 2008 06:18:35

Because she has to beg for love. Over and over and over again. Three relationships and three times it’s been the same bitter end, to say nothing of the fact that Adam Levine goes around telling people that she showed up to his hotel room wearing nothing but a trenchcoat and a fresh bikini wax underneath. Full Story

Smut Loves the Low Road

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 22, 2008 08:30:46 May 22, 2008 08:30:46

Good form would be to refrain from warring publicly. To let the lawyers do the talking, like Paul McCartney, and take the high road. Charlie Sheen doesn"t even know what the high road looks like. Why would he? Especially against a low road whore like Denise Richards...his ex wife? Denise of course is currently out and about promoting that waste of sh*t reality show of hers in which she exploits her girls. Full Story

A Glimpse of the Monster

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 13, 2008 09:59:54 May 13, 2008 09:59:54

When Dina Lohan signed on for her reality show, it was supposed to be about HER. Her life as a momager. Her relentless parental pimp. Her attempt to strike gold for a second time with Lindsay’s little sister. Needless to say, producers quickly realised that the child is much more interesting than the mother. Full Story

14 Is Older Than 18

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 8, 2008 07:28:00 May 8, 2008 07:28:00

Taylor Swift and Ali Lohan both attended the 5th Annual Candies Foundation Event to Prevent benefit last night in New York. Taylor is 18. Ali is 14. Four years is a pretty big difference at that age. But Ali is a child of Dina Lohan. There is no child of Dina Lohan who can retain youth. Which is why Ali looks about 10 years older than young Taylor, if not more. Full Story

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JLo Ain’t No DiLo

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 30, 2008 10:17:55 April 30, 2008 10:17:55

Jennifer Lopez wants to make it very, very clear: she is not a parent pimp. Contrary to what was initially reported about her new show with TLC about the launch of her perfume, JLo’s rep has clarified that her family and particularly her children will not be involved. It is NOT a reality show. A relief, non? It was hard to think of her along the same low life lines as Denise Richards and Dina Lohan. Full Story

Dirty Face Returns to the Carpet

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 29, 2008 07:29:39 April 29, 2008 07:29:39

We’ve seen a lot of Lindsay Lohan lately but not “officially”. Not on a red carpet. Her red carpet appearances have been few and far between. But LG must have paid her a pretty penny last night because she showed up at the launch of the Scarlet HD TV series with her Dirty Face in tact and looking more budget than ever. Full Story

How That Mouth Moves

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 28, 2008 08:55:00 April 28, 2008 08:55:00

Do these look like lips that were coerced? Oh please. Team Miley continues to protest. But as you can see from the video below released by Vanity Fair, she is making love to the camera. And soaking up the attention. Her father meanwhile is loving it too. It"s the parents who love it the most! So now it’s officially Disney vs Conde Nast. Full Story