Paris Hilton Gossip

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Friday, June 22, 2007

Dear Gossips,

Slept a little, shopped more, had a lovely lovely dinner at The Wolseley with the lovely lovely Claire from Grazia. Why no Grazia in North America? Cutest fashion tips ever. Love, love, love.

Just back now from an insomnia-induced, drizzling run through Hyde Park around the most serene little lake … my heart belongs to London.

My heart however has no affection for NBC. It took that peacock an interminable amount of time and several fan petitions to lackadaisically renew Friday Night Lights, the most universally acclaimed show to come along in years but how easy now… a $1 million offer on the table for the exclusive first post-prison interview with that festering scab Paris Hilton? Hollywood Ebola who abuses animals and doesn’t care if her cat gets run over and leaves her dogs running up and down the street unleashed and unattended to? Bet your concrete tits Meredith Vieira will NOT be asking about that.

Weak. So weak.

As for The View considering hiring a homo gay as the Fourth Lady – about time. My vote is for Mario Cantone. But how about getting rid of that senile old bat Barbara Walters and giving the show a double shot of queer? Two flames, the faghag Joy, and the ultra-conservative Elisabeth every morning around the coffee table – I would watch every day…wouldn’t you?

Friday – catching up from yesterday, blogging all morning UK time then headed to a junket. Fill you in on everything magical and even a little muggle on Monday.

Have a great weekend!

Yours in gossip,

PS. Canadian readers living in London are tossing around idea for a bit of a smutty gathering here. Which means we get sh-tfaced and gossip. Will update this section of the site over the weekend if something is confirmed.

PPS. Confirmed. Saturday night 7pm at Smith"s of Smithfield, in Clerkenwell:

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Dear Gossips,



For a pathetic 33 year old pretending she"s 25, London is Utopia. Will be here for a while, on assignment for eTalk, covering a few exciting events. More details to come.

Am dead tired, please excuse typos. Somehow managed not to sleep a wink on plane. Ended up watching The Painted Veil instead. Now considering putting Edward Norton back on Freebie Five. Quiveration in the sky. Was torture.

So apparently my beloved Rocky is in a bit of a spot. Something about his wife allegedly being given preferential treatment from a traffic violation and let go without incident.

But isn"t there something so delicious about one hypocrite bringing down another hypocrite?

Only in LA.

And only fitting I suppose. That Hollywood Ebola met her match in someone equally conniving only much more intelligent who most definitely knows that I comes before E except after C.

It"s RECEIVING you idiot! Not RECIEVING!!!

Thursday, will post between naps and Pimms and perhaps a trip to TopShop.

Yours in gossip,

The Daily Bitch... Please!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 19, 2007 00:00:00 June 19, 2007 00:00:00

Nicole Richie is fighting for her right to get high and drive the wrong way on a freeway. TMZ is reporting that she will plead not guilty to try to avoid prison time for her DUI – her 2nd. If convicted, Nicole will spend a measly 5 days behind bars – significantly less time than Hollywood Ebola. Full Story

The MuchMusic Video Awards

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 18, 2007 00:00:00 June 18, 2007 00:00:00

A block party/awards show – the MMVAs in my hometown Toronto last night, a long standing summer staple and they never ever disappoint. Shocker of shockers, Avril was almost tolerable, making it through the event without putting up her middle finger or spitting – can you believe it? And then came the virtuoso acceptance speech for her People’s Choice Award. Full Story

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Dear Gossips,

So they’ve finally removed Paris Hilton from that cushy little room at the infirmary and transferred her back to Lynnwood where she’ll likely serve out the remainder of her sentence in solitary, on a hard little bed hopefully with her head beside a festering toilet.

Our last days of joy before her disease lashes out in freedom, stronger than ever, with that greedy little fool Barbara Walters shoved half way up her ass. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Sorry… have been distracted the last few days trying to get over a new book and it’s time for a new recommendation anyway. The Post Birthday World by Lionel Shriver – an extremely uncomfortable read, as is the case with everything else she writes including of course We Need to Talk About Kevin. She has that gift of sneaking up on you, subtly forcing you to confront the worst parts of yourself, the parts so easy to suppress during a dinner party as you collectively rage against the common enemy only to realise later on that you have more in common with it than you think. Definitely NOT a beach read but a read that stays with you for ages.

Thursday, posting all day, refresh browser often.

Yours in gossip,

PS. Thanks to what seems like the entire city of Calgary for the thorough, insightful description of Cowboys. Hot girls who rub up against dude for big tips – as much at $10K during Stampede – and who apparently get half a boob job paid for if they stay six months … sounds like my kind of place. Am headed to Calgary late July…will have to drop in.

Sympathy Skank – CAUTION LEWD!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 14, 2007 00:00:00 June 14, 2007 00:00:00

“Stable” condition? Oh please. So Hollywood Ebola has ADD and is claustrophobic. The way they’re talking it’s like none of the other inmates have suffered any worse. But still it warrants VIP treatment and coddling, conveniently from some power player who may or may not have received financial favours from her grandfather… And still the sympathy train continues: Poor Paris is deteriorating, poor Paris is on the verge of a nervous breakdown…who the hell is buying this sh-t??? How about Poor Paris just needs a double bump? A line of coke and a c*ck come next week, when she gets out, and all will be right again. Full Story

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Dear Gossips,

Britney’s mother is talking, a new round of pity for Jennifer Aniston, Katie cuts her hair… and does spiritual enlightenment involve partying in Vegas?


And still Paris Hilton will be paid $800,000 to host a Get Out of Jail bash at the Hard Rock. Of course Barbara Walters will find some way to excuse it…and you bet your boob job Ebola will most definitely be on her list of 10 Most Intriguing People of the Year come 2007. Senile old bat is quickly losing her grip.

Wednesday, live blogging, check back often for new posts.

Yours in gossip,

Senile, see?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 13, 2007 00:00:00 June 13, 2007 00:00:00

With Rosie gone, Barbara Walters has apparently resorted to befriending Paris Hilton for ratings, not only eager to defend her but very open to the idea of having Hollywood Ebola host the show. Can you imagine? Can you imagine what Rosie would have done? Can you imagine if Rosie was still on? Rosie going chest to chest with that dirty skank and tearing her a new asshole? But of course not. Full Story

Poor Jen the Victim Again

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 13, 2007 00:00:00 June 13, 2007 00:00:00

You thought the Pity Era was over, didn’t you? The crying, the ocean-shouting, the bring-your-own-hanky Pilates parties full of self discovery and “closure… you thought we had moved on, right? Unfortunately for Jennifer Aniston, Pity is a constant state of mind. And so it goes again, Pity when her marriage dissolved, Pity when another woman gave Brad babies, Pity when Vince wouldn’t step up, Pity when Vince flirted with some London lass caught on camera, now Pity Encore because her new model boyfriend Paul Sculfor is a former drug addict who snorted coke once before meeting Mandela and who may or may not be using Jen to get a leg up in Hollywood. Full Story

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Dear Gossips,

Have finally caught up on all the Entourage I’ve missed during travels…and first 2 episodes of Season 4. Drama does this thing at the very end of 4.1 that will kill you, promise. Have to tell you, it’s kinda trippy watching it now that I have a thing for Adrian Grenier and can’t stand that tiny twat Kevin Connolly.

It was a bit confusing the schedule this season but to clarify: Season 3 just wrapped, Season 4 starts up immediately on Sunday June 17th on The Movie Network and Movie Central in Canada and on HBO in America. Had the opportunity to screen a preview – you will love, love, love.

Bit of nostalgia last night – Signs was on tv. Joaquin Phoenix minus the Elvis bloat with short hair and a supertoned body – sooo beautiful. Sigh. I miss him. But you know the wagon? That wagon? The wagon is like 2 towns away. Trust.

Still, I was riveted for an hour watching that movie, watching Mel Gibson before he lost his sh-t. Riveted even though the DVD is sitting on my shelf. Why is it that movies are on occasion better on tv with commercials than they are any time any day in your own home with no interruptions? Is it just me?

Am thrilled about your enthusiasm over the Roots Bag giveaway. One more day to enter – good luck!

Tuesday, online all day, new posts updated throughout.

Yours in gossip,

PS. Sounds like most of you are agreement that that senile old hag Barbara Walters needs to step off. I played back her bullsh*t message from jail yesterday on The View and that moment when she rebuked Joy for cracking a joke about Paris – because who hasn’t cracked a joke about Paris??? – the way Barbara comes to the Ebola defence, the way she openly smacked down one of her girls for a Hilton? Oh there is a side alright. There is a side and she picked it. Just like she picked Donald’s side…and the side of everyone else who can do her a favour. So much for integrity in reporting. The View, I’m done.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Dear Gossips,

Back in Vancouver, happy to be home if only for a few days… New York and London next week!

So at press time, Barbara Walters is getting ready to appear on The View this morning to discuss her impromptu phone call with Paris Hilton yesterday. Barbara was apparently on the phone with Kathy Hilton when Paris beeped in from prison. Paris said she wanted to chat, called Barbara collect, and explained that she has now found the Lord, that she is tired of “playing dumb”, that her old act was no longer “cute”, and that she plans to emerge from prison a changed person, ready to “make a difference.”

Indeed. As we all know, that sh-t is unkillable. Paris, like all deadly viruses, will survive jail. And she will especially survive a comfortable room in the prison infirmary, with a telephone at her disposable. How luxe. But while I don’t doubt that Hollywood Ebola will rage back stronger than ever, the stink today surrounds Barbara Walters – Barbara Walters the obsequious, who will undoubtedly fellate the Hilton family for the first exclusive, who will likely interview Paris without the hardhitting questions, with her head shoved so far up that black hole, just like it was at the height of the Rosie vs Donald bloodbath when she chose not to back up her girl but catered instead to the whim of her wealthy "friend"…if you ask me, Barbara Walters is the worst representative on a show supposed to represent women.

And I’ve no doubt, given her ties to the Hiltons, Walters will lead the Paris positivity parade… Beware Barbara Walters: the old broad has been infected.

Monday – blogging real time all day, check back often for fresh posts.

Yours in gossip,

PS. To Wendy and Ellery in Calgary – all my love and best wishes. Am hoping along with you that that baby girl stays safely tucked away for at least a few more weeks. Stay relaxed….will try to bring my best smut to help, Lainey

PPS. Tori Spelling and KFed Jr in Toronto this week attended to by a personal photographer/paparazzo seen following them around on several occasions by accident on purpose. Unfortunately, only one photo of their promotional visit has been published...snort. Master of Goldiggery gets no love in Canada? Eat that Junior…