Thursday, February 8, 2007
Why bother with talent when you can easily make a sex tape?
Kim Kardashian could become a household name and she just happens to be Paris Hilton’s best friend, except much better looking with a crazy, crazy ass…and shocker of all shockers...an ad campaign that just happens to be launching right now.
Amazingly enough, her sex video is very well shot, lighting isn’t bad, skin is flawless, close ups at the right moments, panned shots when they matter – high quality porn and killer sound effects too.
I believe at one point she moans out (STOP READING NOW IF YOU’RE A PRUDE):
I want you to f*** me until you c***.
Her parents must be so proud.
And that’s the last time she’ll be mentioned in this column. Not to preach but seriously y’all…don’t make her famous.
Yours in gossip,
PS. Heads up Toronto – Six Degrees, Friday night, an auction to benefit the Canadian Diabetes Association… and somehow they’ve managed to convince Miss Universe Natalie Glebova to allow herself to be auctioned off for a good cause. Click here for more details
and if you get a date with that hot Olympian, give me the smut!
PPS. Julia Roberts does not harass via text message
. Julia is A-list independently, TH is A-list by association and syndication. Also not Jada Pinkett Smith. TH’s husband will never go near an Oscar, never mind get nominated for one.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
The Paris Exposed videos, a degenerate captured on film, in all her degenerate glory – and a racist too! – but you bet your boob job, when all this is said and done, some idiot will still pay her a million dollars to fly to Budapest (insert international destination of choice here) to pimp his beer.
Unless this is the scandal that finally eradicates Hollywood Ebola
Doubtful. Bitch will never have to answer for herself, which is why it’s practically become a civic duty, a social responsibility if you will, to trash her as hard and as often as possible.
Wednesday – back to live blogging schedule though I can scarcely feel my fingers after being stuck up on that mountain for 6 hours yesterday, though I have to tell you…the Canadian Snowboard Team?
Yours in gossip,
The Canadian Idol audition tour hits Vancouver this weekend, hand in hand with the Canadian Media Idol auditions taking place Thursday at 4:30pm at Metrotown. I will be there, I will be hosting, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to contain my bitch. See you there!
Friday, January 26, 2007
Paris Hilton a pill-popper? And why is that shocking?
More details from Paris Exposed
, details courtesy the NY Post – turns out Paris appears to be in regular possession of prescription medication including painkillers and Valtrex which of course is used to treat Herpes. All this in addition to what looks like a motherload of coke dumped over a friend’ s chest and of course the drug rumours that have long surrounded her crew but never seem to stick to her, despite the fact that she’s supposedly wellknown among Young Hollywood to be a more than occasional recreational user…
Which begs the question: why is Paris Hilton the Teflon Heiress?
While Britney and Lindsay and Nicole are vilified incessantly for questionable behaviour, with addiction automatically intimated as the explanation, Paris Hilton, the most morally reprehensible of the lot, always manages to skulk away unsoiled.
Unfortunately gossips… she will live through this scandal, in fact she will thrive and possibly get even stronger through this scandal, as Hollywood Ebola always does in times of adversity, it’s depressing but it’s true:
Paris Hilton will never die.
Friday – real time blogging, check back often, and have a great weekend!
Yours in gossip,
PS. Happy 21st Birthday to Lisa in Texas – live it up girl!
PPS. Regarding your emails about Chav and Posh and a definition: it’s not in the Gossip Guide because it’s not an expression or a modification of one that I can take credit for. Gorgessity and Gay Midge Dwarf on the other hand…all mine.
Click here for a hilariously academic study of Chav
, though not exactly on point as it relates to the Beckhams specifically, it’ll give you a general idea and amuse you in the details – enjoy!
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Forget community service and a charitable donation – rehab appears to be the new celebrity PR quick fix. Whether you’re a racist or an obnoxious 20 year old with an irresponsible mother or a womanising country music star married to a Freeze Face or an actor who hates the gays, clearly the message in Hollywood these days is to blame the sauce or the drugs and get your ass into treatment as soon as the sh-t hits the fan…COINCIDENTALLY as soon as the sh-t hits the fan.
In a word?
Thursday – busy day, live blogging, check back often for fresh posts.
Highlight of the week? Definitely Paris Exposed
. On the off chance you haven’t heard – she was moving, she put her belongings in storage, she forgot to pay the measly $200 bill, her stuff was auctioned off, purchased by a few entrepreneurial fellows, catalogued, scanned, and posted on the web for your viewing pleasure…at a price, of course.
I’m too cheap to fork over $39.99 for the privilege of seeing Paris coked up and doped up and naked and probably taking it up the ass 24/7 but hey – you might enjoy it. And if you do…SEND DETAILS.
For a taste before you buy – click here for the trailer
…yes, half the free world has goosed her and YES, she absolutely does tell the camera that:
I get f*cked in the butt for coke.
For clips and screencaps, hats off to the wickedly dirty Jesus Martinez at Drunken Stepfather
for gettin’ his smut on so quickly with the coverage.
CAUTION: Not safe for work
…but seriously, if there was ever any, any, any doubt about Paris Hilton, about just how f&cking nasty she really is, about whether or not she too is a frequent “bathroom visitor” much like Britney and Lindsay, you really should check it out…because Paris Hilton is ROCK BOTTOM.
Yours in gossip,