Porny’s love pattern

August 2, 2010 11:41:54 Posted at August 2, 2010 11:41:54
Lainey Posted by Lainey

F-ck. And I was hoping this time that it would be different. I’m a stupid bitch, I guess. Because my Porny, well, she has her love patterns. And she never breaks them.

What happens is that Jessica Simpson falls for men she perceives to be superior. Some were even embarrassed by it. John Mayer was embarrassed by it. Tony Romo further disrespected it and Billy Corgan, well, he ran from it so fast she barely even remembers it.

But Eric’s not a Grammy winning QB1. And so from a fame stature perspective, she could have had the upper hand...

It turns out that Eric actually had some plans. And somehow he’s been accepted to Wharton. Us Weekly claims he’s deferred going to Wharton however because he’s so into Jessica that he’s decided to put it off. I just used Wharton and Jessica Simpson in the same sentence.

You can smell it, right?


First of all, Porny being Porny, she’s now probably feeling “grateful” to him for making that kind of Sacrifice. Of course she is. And she’s tweeting love photos with accompanying captions that highlight his intelligence at the expense of hers:

Romance 101..getting kissed by my not lookin' so smart...:) but YUM!

Translation: Oh look. This really smart boy is kissing me, I’m so lucky to have him since I’m dumb. Hee hee, giggle giggle, huh? What are these buttons for? My head hurts from all the words. Boo. Rubbing my titties now. I feel better.

As for him blowing off school? Well that’s a f-cking erection killer. Sure, it’s sexy that he got into Wharton. It’s also very UNSEXY that he’s giving it up because he’d rather hang out at her house doing nothing and not learning. Maybe when we’re in our early 20s and make decisions from our asses...but a 30 year old with a terminated professional football career and 35 coming quickly? Gross.

But studying is boring and hard. The girlfriend is hot, blonde, reportedly f-cks like a champion, and really, really rich. Am I thinking like my mother if I say that’s a major, major warning?

Here they are, Porny and the Wharton Drop-Out, all loved up in New York last week after dinner. Um, look at how he wears his jeans. Weird body, non? I think his thighs touch.

Photos from

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