Snap and Flex > Boring

August 19, 2009 08:01:00 Posted at August 19, 2009 08:01:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Oh honey. It must be exhausting.

Renee Zellweger relaxed her SnapFace just a little last night at the premiere of My One & Only in New York to focus on the posing. She posed very, very, very hard.

Some celebrities are naturals on the carpet. Renee is not a natural on a carpet. But she wants very badly to own a carpet. And so the effort, the effort is etched all over her face, as her shoulders pop and her hips jut and her jaw is frozen into one slightly open mouthed position, muscles seized from head to toe, Renee is concentrating on producing the perfect position for the perfect shot in the hopes of eliciting admiration and envy

Unfortunately, the end result is most often pity. Pity and fatigue. I’m tired just looking at her. This seems like too much work. And those arms, those arms are terribly unattractive.

We need to call her out on those arms. As much as we call out Madonna on her arms.

But again, it’s hard to rip on Renee. Because you’re constantly feeling sorry for her, see???

But not as sorry as you feel for Jennifer Aniston.

How f-cking boring must it be to hang out with Jennifer Aniston?

If Jennifer Aniston, with her gorgeous body, and that sunkissed skin, and her perfectly blown out hair, and her alleged sweetness and realness, if she couldn’t hold Coop over posehard snappy Renee, how sucky must it be to be with Jennifer Aniston? How sucky must it be to know this?

It’s like the cover of Us Weekly.

“She doesn’t see what Renee has that she doesn’t.”

Talent, personality, and a lot less drama.

Bitch, just call John Stamos.


Photos from Wenn.com and Johns PkI/Splashnewsonline.com

Previous Article Next Article