Robert Pattinson…infected?

February 24, 2009 07:37:10 Posted at February 24, 2009 07:37:10
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Hate to say I told you so but… I told you so. Way back I told you so, back in November according to my sources Ebola was hunting Edward Cullen.

And it was inevitable, the more time spent in LA, the greater risk of infection.

It’s official: Robert Pattinson has been exposed to Ebola Paris Hilton virus.

On Oscar night after the Governor’s Ball he attended the Vanity Fair party. This time, Ebola did not attempt to crash after what happened last time it tried to sneak into an exclusive event at the Sunset Tower without an invitation. Remember Kevin Huvane tossed it out on its ass? Rob did not follow Kevin Huvane’s example. Dumb.

So Rob was at Vanity Fair, on a pared down guestlist, now gaining entry among the most powerful players in Hollywood. Apparently he caught the eye of none other than Natalie Portman. They were spotted all chatty and flirty on the patio. Amazing. Natalie Portman is amazing. As for what’s going on with her and Ryan Gosling – a little competition doesn’t hurt. Not at all. Natalie and Ryan are still texting, still hanging out casually, and if he’s smart, Ryan will now just have to work a little harder, non?

But Robert Pattinson…not so smart.

Rob is young and it must have been boring there at the Sunset. None of his friends could get in, he had already spent the week shuttled from one industry party to another on a career mission by his handlers, it was time to bust loose.

And this is when he ran into the disease. At the Patrick Whitesell party for the “Us Weekly” crowd. As soon as Ebola heard he had arrived it stopped at nothing to find him, dragging Nicky Hilton around until it could move in for the kill.

What Ebola wants, Ebola gets.

Robert did not run from Ebola Virus. He allowed it to infect him. It opened its legs, the black mist enveloped him, and eventually the two ended up together, alone, in the garden. ALONE IN THE GARDEN. For over an hour it had his undivided attention alone in the garden. It only needs a few seconds so over an hour, can you imagine the damage it’s already unleashed?

Rob was seen leaving the party alone and then at the airport the next morning, departing LA and arriving in Tokyo on Tuesday in advance of the Twilight Japanese premiere. But it’s too late…

Ebola contamination operates in mysterious ways, in the most clever of ways. It will slowly, slowly, slowly spread. Watch and wait for its devastating effects. Such a sham too. He had so much promise.

I’m sorry. I know many of you lurking and lusting out there, I know he’s your fantasy. So I’m sorry for you. I’m sorry for your loss. My heartfelt condolences for your loss.

But now it’s time to let go. Robert Pattinson wasn’t worthy of you. He could have kicked it in the crotch but instead, he chose to keep talking to it, to ignore others in favour of it…

Robert Pattinson left Natalie Portman at Vanity Fair to go spend an hour alone with Ebola.

Robert Pattinson chose Ebola over Natalie Portman.

Robert Pattinson should be dead to you.

Dead. To. You.


Photos from and

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