Rosamund Pike: Globes Most Disappointing

January 12, 2015 13:00:49 Posted at January 12, 2015 13:00:49
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Rachel Murray /Jason Merritt /Steve Granitz/ Frazer Harrison /Getty Images

I f-cking jinxed her. I always do this. I expect it and then they wilt. I expected it from Rosamund Pike. Badly. Because in the lead-up to the Globes, she was killing everything without blowing her load. Which meant she was saving it for Sunday night. What was she saving? I couldn’t wait to see what she was saving.

It’s a fashion heartbreaker.

And it’s a bitch too because you’re not supposed to criticise new moms. But… this new mom, who just had her baby a month ago, is in such great shape that she decided to show her lean back. I’ve never had a baby and my back fat is unmentionable so, please, is that really a defence for a dress that’s hanging way, way, way too low, and, really, the back isn’t even a problem, it’s the front. It’s the sh-tty cupping at the front. The sh-tty cupping, without enough support, is making her breasts look… sloppy. That’s the word my friend P used when he saw her arrive. It’s the best word in this case.

Sloppy. There. I said it. I don’t want to say it. I don’t want to feel it. Nobody wins when Rosamund Pike’s dress doesn’t fit her. Was that the problem here? That she wanted to win the carpet too much?

Because this choice, the only way to describe it is AGGRESSIVE. She swung way too hard. And missed. So, please, let her make up for it on Thursday at Critics Choice. Please. 

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