The Daily Bitch…Please

April 4, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at April 4, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Things that kill me (today):

1. that there are people who will pay to see Wild Hogs.
2. that the same people still think John Travolting is straight
3. that some lobotomised idiot actually called into a radio show to support Heather Mills. Based on what??? That she isn’t a bad dancer?

Please!

Analysis of the call

Lady called Pat phones in to Ryan Seacrest:

"I"m ashamed that I had a judgment against her based on everything that you read in the newspapers, that she was after his money, and, come on – everyone was down on Heather Mills. But she has won me over, and I can admit it, that I had formed a bad opinion about her. I am embarrassed, actually. I would love to apologize to her. And America should apologize. People should apologize to her. She was wrongfully treated."

Of course Heather starts bawling. And in between her tears and her sniffling, she offers the following:

"Yes it"s just amazing. ... I had a choice. I could have gone down ... I could have gone down that path of lowering myself to everyone else"s level and proven my innocence."

Clever cow, isn’t she? Read between those lines gossips…read what she’s really trying to say.

Translation: I could expose Paul, because Paul has many dirty secrets and is an evil man. But I kept quiet to protect him, sacrificing my innocence for his dirty secrets and evilness. Because I am good and he is evil. But I’m too classy to tell you how dirty and evil he is.

And then there’s more self-pity – Heather’s always the victim, remember?
"All I did was fall in love with somebody madly, and give up my life for seven years, you know. And then just to be vilified for it? I"m actually quite shocked. I"ve spent 14 years doing charity work. ... If I was a gold digger, I would be a very wealthy woman now. And I"m not."

Translation: Dear MiniVan Majority, I am Heather Mills. Just like you, I GAVE UP myself for my family, devoted my life to a man and to my child. I am woman who stood behind her man, supported her man. Because that is the mark of a decent woman. I never took porny pervy photos. I never plotted for money. All I did was want to be a wife. Because being a wife and sacrificing my own life is the ultimate duty for a woman. And now I’m being punished for that. Dear MiniVan Majority, if you allow them to punish me you are allowing them to punish YOU.

So you see how Paul got swindled? Girl’s got game, I’ll give her that.

And she played her way into yet another free pass this week on Dancing with the Stars – complaining about her back, complaining about how her one leg situation prevents her from rehearsing as much as her competitors, lowering everyone’s expectations, only to exceed them during the show.

Masterful Manipulation. Masterful Golddiggery.

And it’s working on the MiniVan Majority. Maybe Tom Cruise should have married Heather Mills?

The Gay Midget Dwarf and the One Legged Dancer?

Love, love, love.
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