Meet Sarah

May 10, 2010 13:03:22 Posted at May 10, 2010 13:03:22
Lainey Posted by Lainey

We leave tomorrow night for Cannes working for etalk, flying overnight to Frankfurt, then a tight connection to Nice, then a car ride to Cannes hopefully arriving at noon at which point we need to get our apartment, rush to secure our credentials, shoot an interview with Alan Doyle, and then get to the carpet for the opening gala which is Robin Hood.

Cannes is great for gossip. Cannes is where we enjoyed George Clooney in his element drinking with Daniel Craig and Laura stared at Robert Pattinson for 2 hours while I hated Emile Hirsch and where we watched Marion Cotillard eat, and of course so many instances of Pitt Porn, and this year Lilo is announcing her own porn, and the Rolling Stones are coming, and every other two bit tart will somehow make it to the South of France to remind us that she exists.

Cannes is amazing smut but it’s long days and longer nights and while it won’t be that tight every day as it will be on Wednesday, given the time difference, there are days when I will be stretched.

As such, I’ve enlisted some help so that you will continue to be up to date on the goods. I will continue to blog up to 3,000 words a day, and I will be responsible for the majority of the posts on the site but on days when I am unable to get to every story, and to make up for late day time difference posts (3pm ET is 9pm Cannes time which is when I’ll be trolling the Croisette) Jacek will be filling in alongside our guest blogger Sarah who you’ll meet below. Sarah will be blogging for the duration of the festival on a temporary basis, two or three articles a day. Her first article, a taster, will run later this afternoon. Sarah’s articles, like Jacek’s as usual, will be clearly marked. And together we hope to deliver to you the most comprehensive gossip from Hollywood to Cannes and everywhere in between.

This will be the 5th year in a row from Cannes. And I cannot tell you how much I appreciate that so many of you have continued to visit for your gossip needs. Thank you for support and understanding as we evolve.

A few words from Sarah:

“Hello, I’m Johnny Cash,” is the greatest intro line ever. I’m sitting here trying to figure out how to introduce myself and all I can think about is Johnny Cash and how great that line is. “Hello, I’m Sarah,” sounds a lot less cool. But it’s true. I am Sarah and I write a movie blog called Cinesnark. As the title suggests I like movies and snark. I also like gossip and judging people. And if you met me at a party, I’d probably be too shy to talk to you, so here are a few things you may want to know about me, so that you can judge me. Because I am judging you.

Mortal Enemies

This is like a Freebie Five of people (or things) you never ever want to meet. I’m a big believer in “know thy enemy”, so these are a few topics on which I have done a deep and thorough study. Well I’ve Wiki’ed them at least.

1) Zombies

I realize it’s a remote possibility, but on the chance that the dead do one day rise against us, I’d recommend marksmanship and/or archery lessons. Head shots, dude. It’s all about the head shots.

2) Robots

I like to keep the robotic devices in my home in order by occasionally punishing a random piece of electronics in front of them rest of them. Trust me, execute a Mr. Coffee every once in a while and your household technology remains amazingly docile.

3) Volcanoes

Recent events have shown us that volcanoes are out there, waiting to ruin our travel plans when we least expect it. Also, I really don’t want to fall into/get thrown into one.

4) Sharks

We think we’re the top of the food chain, but all a shark sees when it looks at a human is a Tastee Cake.

5) Velociraptors

Another unlikely possibility, but you know there’s some bored geneticist somewhere who is working on replicating Raptor DNA. Put down the amber-encrusted mosquito, Mad Scientist, and save us all a lot of hassle.

Things that make me want to cut a bitch

There is a lot of stuff that annoys me, and my list of pet peeves is a mile long, but there are a few things that make me want to reach for a shank. I loathe people who bring small children into movies. More than the teenagers who won’t shut up, I want to cut the people who won’t leave their kids at home. I get it--you’re tired and sick of screaming kids and you just want a night out for once in your life, but if you can’t find a sitter, please just skip the movie. All you accomplish by bringing your fidgety, loud, mouth-breathing toddler into the theater is to make the rest of us hate you. When I go to a Pixar movie I expect the kids, but when I’m in a PG-13 or R-rated flick and you’ve got your little terror sitting behind me, I am judging you as a bad parent. Also, I hate it when people talk about remaking perfectly good movies. Bring up a Breakfast Club or Goonies remake and I’m plotting where I’m going to dump your body.

Imaginary best friends

In my head, I am totally BFFs with Meryl Streep and Stanley Tucci. I like to think about going to parties with them and gossiping about everyone else in the room. Stanley would roll his eyes at the Try Hards, and Meryl would be gracious but the minute you walk away she would so say something cutting about you. On the flipside, I think Karl Lagerfeld would be the greatest frenemy ever. He’d be so much fun, but everything out of his mouth would be a soul-crushing putdown that would be life-affirming in a, “Yep, I’m still not good enough for Le Karl” kind of way.

My unlikely interest or hobby

I love sports, especially baseball and football. That might surprise some people. I really love animals. I wanted to be a marine biologist until sophomore year chemistry proved I’m not smart enough to be a scientist. I believe in ghosts and I love ghost stories. I get sucked into all those documentaries on A&E about ghosts. I have a photograph from the Whaley House in San Diego which I am convinced shows a ghost. I am into photography, too. I have studied it, have been published as a photographer, and I can be a real art snob. And maybe the most random thing about me is that when I’m having a bad day I like to look at videos of cute kittens.

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