How ‘Bout Her Veins?

July 31, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at July 31, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

SJP (looking – ahem – tired???) threw a garden party the other day in conjunction with Elle Magazine illustrating inadvertently why, once and for all, they should leave well enough alone. Sex and the City ended brilliantly. Perfectly. So other than gouging more money out of an already sated public, what really would be the point of a movie?

As for SJP’s rather veiny arms – veiny like Angelina Jolie - will SJP be accused of an eating disorder? Or heroin addiction? No of course not. Because the MiniVan Majority loves SJP. Because SJP would never, ever marry a dandy gaygay…right?

Anyway, I remember, long ago – true story – having tea with one of my mother’s obnoxious socialite friends…her Mentor. It was the middle of summer and the woman was wrapped in some kind of animal and every time she lifted up her glass to take a sip, the rings on her fingers would bump together making “clink clink” sounds until my eyes started crossing from the light reflected off of her enormous diamonds. I remember staring at her hands and my mother squawking at me, telling me not to be rude, and then the lady, Auntie JunJun, dipped her chin conspiratorially and said to me, “My hands aren’t what they once were. They’re much fatter now. But they were once long and slender like the rest of my body…like yours. But I will tell you – one day you will have to decide between your body and your face. If you want to keep your body, you give up your face. If you want your face to stay beautiful, you sacrifice your bottom. Every woman knows this. Auntie JunJun tells you so.”

It’s WAY more dramatic in Cantonese and as a 12 year old, I was consumed with the decision for days. A few years later I heard that Brigitte Bardot had said the same thing and Sofia Loren too. So then I chose. I wrote it down in my Keropi agenda book in my purple sparkly pen to seal my promise. Then I grew up and it turned into bullsh-t.

But when I see women like SJP, with very little body fat but also very little face fat, I wonder if there isn’t a little bit of truth to Auntie’s story. Didn’t Courteney Cox once say the same thing?


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