Sasha Answers: Am I a fool for waiting?
Hi Sasha, I’ll try to make this as brief as possible. I’ve been seeing a guy for about 3.5 months. We spend a lot of time together (4 nights per week including nearly every weekend) and I like him a lot. I could love him. He’s been forthcoming in saying he’s not ready for a commitment. Apparently he dated a girl for two years and it destroyed him when they broke up and their relationship was a mess, but it’s been over a year since they broke up! I can be patient for that, because I like him so much, but he also gets Tinder notifications and while he says he might talk to other girls no one compares to me and he likes me so much, and Sasha he really is sweet to me and treats me better than I’ve ever been treated.
He also says when we met he was looking for the opposite of a relationship and it makes him nervous. Am I a fool for sticking around while he figures things out?
You can find the nicest, loveliest, most perfect guy ever, but if dude is not ready to commit, then he’s not the nicest, loveliest, most perfect guy ever. At least not for you. You feel me?
We all think we can change them, convince them, will them into a deepened awareness of love and commitment, but from my experience and the experience of every chick I know - it never pans out well. Sure, they can shift their behavior a little, sure they’ll tell you what you want to hear, but at the end of the day if they’re looking over your shoulder for the exit sign, then what kind of relationship is that? It's a *sucky* one.
Yes, on the surface things are copacetic but L, the dude is on f-cking Tinder which is basically the app designed to let you f-ck the closest person to your coordinates. He’s not just “talking” to them, he crowd-sourcing. Does that give you warm, fuzzy special feelings inside? I hope the hell not.
It's time to splash some water on your face and wake up L. Buddy has told you - straight up - with his own words that he's not interested in an exclusive relationship. Listen to what he's saying because he's telling you the truth.
I think you’re sensing my overall feeling on this, right? This dude is a dud. NEXT!
Thanks for writing in and keep your questions coming to [email protected].