Sasha Answers: Am I a jealous bitch?
Hi Sasha, I have been happily married for almost 18 years – of course with all the usual ups and downs. My husband (let’s call him 'B') and I have been together for over 25 years. B travels quite a bit for work. Prior to me, B had only one really serious girlfriend in his late teens (let’s call her 'G'). They have always kept in touch as she was close to his family and I have always been fine with that. I have actually met G on a couple of occasions when we happened to be in the same city as her on our holidays – she lives in Europe. My current issue is that B has just told me that he will be out of town next week for work and that he was able to plan it so he is in the same city as G and they're going to meet up for dinner. I guess I'm glad he is being up front with me but for some reason I'm not feeling totally right about this. Oh, I forgot to mention that G is beautiful, single and without children. I'm generally pretty confident and have never felt that I have to worry about B and infidelity, but something just isn't sitting right with me as far as this whole situation goes. I guess I really don't know G that well, I know she's unattached and I'm not completely sure what her intentions (actions) might be when she has B alone at a hotel in a different city. As far as I know, B has only seen her with me present (those two previously mentioned occasions) since they were BF/GF over 25 years ago. Do you think I have the right to feel uneasy about this or am I just being a jealous B*TCH? He has, not quite sincerely, said that he would cancel their dinner plans if I wanted him to. Thanks for your help.
Let me first say that just because G is attractive and single doesn’t mean she’s some crazy ho that’s automatically going to prey on your man in some European hotel room. That’s not fair nor is it rational. But for arguments sake, let’s say she is some crazy ho that’s out to prey on your man in some European hotel room. Well, if he obliges, sorry, but that sh-t is all on him. Cough, cough Brad Pitt. I just want to make sure we’re all on the same blame-game page because if your man can be tempted that easily then he’s the bigger problem, not her. Also how did this go from dinner to a hotel room?
D, I obviously want to help you through this, but honestly, you haven’t given me much to work with. There’s nothing here that leads me to believe that this situation is all that sketchy. Why can’t this just be dinner? No harm no foul?
But fine, if you’re telling me your wifey spidey senses are tingling then I don’t want to get in the way of that. However, here’s the bad news: you can’t do jack sh-t about it. This is something I’ve unfortunately learned along the way. You can spy on your man, you can “stop” him from seeing people, you can be jealous at every turn, but if dude is going to creep, he’s going to creep. Listen, even if he tells you he won’t see her, who’s to say he wouldn’t do it anyway? I don’t mean to make you more paranoid, but it’s just the plain and simple truth of the matter.
This is why trust is paramount in any good relationship. It all comes down to that. And part of that is trusting your own knowledge, your own intuition. That’s what’s in your control, so D, if there are bigger signs that are making you skeptical about this upcoming dinner date then let’s tackle that. Are his grooming habits different? Has the emotional/physical quality of your relationship changed? Is he acting secretive? If some or all of these things are ringing true, then yes, you have every right to feel uneasy about this and you should absolutely have it out with him.
However, if you’ve never had a reason to doubt him and your relationship is solid in that department, then I do think you might just be acting like a jealous bitch. You said it, I didn’t.
Thanks for writing in and keep me posted! Keep your questions coming to firstname.lastname@example.org