Sasha Answers: Anxiety about his ex
Hi Sasha. So I've been dating my boyfriend since December 2012. I've met a few of his friends and families too. The only thing that's bothering me is his ex, who he supposedly broke up around end of 2011, after dating for four years. He really doesn't like talking about her and that's fine with me but I'm starting to notice that she is still around his friends facebook and instagram, you know, when there's a photo of my boyfriend she'll leave a comment like 'missing him' and there was this one thing about how she knows his favourite food and how she used to gossip with his mum about his different political views. I brought it up to him and he said that that is her feeling not his. I even remembered in the third month that we started dating we were hanging out and this text from his friend came in about his ex wanting to get his new number. He told his friend not to give it to her.
We've had a few fights about this to the point of him asking me do I want him to say bad things about her, will that make me satisfied. Since he has never discussed anything negative, the only thing was he ever said was they broke up because there was no longer a purpose to be together. I actually like that he doesn't talk trash about his ex but a part of me feel like is it because she still holds a dear place? Am I immature? Am I petty for caring about this?
Yes you’re being petty and immature, but, we’re all like that sometimes. The trick here though is to buck the f-ck up as quickly as possible and L, this is your time to do so.
Look, from what I can tell your dude is being a stand-up boyfriend, who is actually doing nothing wrong. I mean, he actually couldn’t be doing anything more right at the moment. He’s not engaging in the situation at all, so what’s your beef?
So what if she likes a picture or makes a comment? Just because she’s an ex doesn’t mean she has to f-cking die and vanish from planet earth. You know, she’s still allowed to participate in social media. Sure, she might have some ulterior motives but that’s on her, it’s not like your man is biting.
Here’s the deal D: if you don’t want his ex to be a topic in your relationship then why the f-ck do you keep bringing it up? Your answer will be the solution to this problem.
Thanks for writing in and keep me posted. And for the rest of you lot keep your LIFE + STYLE questions coming to firstname.lastname@example.org.