Sasha Answers: Attracted to my colleague who has a girlfriend

November 17, 2014 17:28:30 Posted at November 17, 2014 17:28:30
Sasha Posted by Sasha

Hi Sasha, Sooooo, I've found myself in a bit of a pickle. I have a new co-worker that I felt an instant connection with. I met him at a social event for work and instantly felt comfortable, attracted all of the exciting, wonderful feelings you have when you meet a new guy that you have chemistry with. BUT, he has a girlfriend. He mentioned his girlfriend while we were talking with other co-workers. We continued to talk a lot that evening, but there was nothing I thought was inappropriate or out of line.  A few days later, when I was leaving work, he asked to speak to me.  He said that he hopes he didn't come on too strong the other night and that he feels a very strong connection with me.  He also said that he spoke with his girlfriend about this, too.  I shared that I felt the same connection and understand he has a girlfriend. We sort of left it at that.

We work in a very emotionally taxing, but also rewarding, field and I am close with all of my colleagues because of this.  We will need to collaborate frequently and will interact on a daily basis. I should also mention that I'm very passionate about my job and take my work seriously. Even if he were available, I would be skeptical of pursuing anything romantic with him.   I'm not sure what to do and where to draw the line.   H


Um, that line should be: Don’t go there, don’t even think of going there, back the hell away.

H, I get that you feel a connection with him but really, too bad so sad; not only is he in a relationship, but even flirting with the idea of him as something more in your life - especially in such a close knit workplace - will no doubt explode in your face. What you need to do now is enforce some boundaries. 

Whenever anyone is faced with a bad temptation – from drugs to dudes - there are three steps to follow: 1) Set rules 2) Focus on good habits, and 3) Find distractions. In other words:  Don’t f-ck with a taken man, don’t f-ck with a taken man, and don’t f-ck with a taken man.

Thanks for writing in and keep me posted! xx

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