Sasha Answers: Backwards in a relationship
I've been with my bf, John*, on and off (mostly on) for 3.5 years. Here's the problem. He wants to chill out the relationship and I begrudgingly complied. While all my friends are getting married, buying houses and getting ready for kids, my bf wants to cut back to us being monogamous but expecting nothing from each other. I hate it. But I accept it because 1. I love him so much 2. Honestly, I don't think I can find anyone else.
I believe I am pretty, educated, smart, great personality etc. However, John was my first and only bf and things really were amazing in the beginning. In HS, I was never asked to prom or anything, in college I was never asked out on a date. When I moved after college to NYC, it was the same. So yea, I should dump him, but then I think...am I giving up on my only chance at a family (because I honestly think I am)?
If you have to go backwards in a relationship then there’s no way to move forward. I’ve seen this happen so many times with my friends and it’s just a way to buy time from the inevitable.
Look, just from the tone of your letter I know that you know that this relationship is donezo. You’re not happy and you’re settling just so that you can keep up with everyone else. Ouch, I know, but I call it as I see it and if you can be honest with yourself for a minute I think you’d agree.
We can convince ourselves of some crazy ass sh-t to stick out a relationship, but listen, just because something isn’t horrible doesn’t mean it’s any good. And just because you love someone doesn’t mean you’re right for each other. I know the thought of being alone is scary, but it sure as hell beats trying to keep up the façade of a broken relationship.
The bottom line is this dude is throwing a raw deal your way and I don’t think you should take it. If I were you I’d peace the f-ck out and start looking to find a few more notches on your relationship belt.
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