Sasha Answers: Can’t stand my colleague
Heya Sasha, So here's the deal...there's a woman on my team that's causing me stress. In small doses, she's fine. But we will never, ever be friends. Like, ever. And I'm good with that, I'm not looking to be besties with coworkers and bake cookies and have sleepovers. I just don't want to go through my day wanting my fist to meet her nose.
This homegirl doesn't have issues...she has a subscription. She's like that character on SNL who has to one up everyone. that's irritating but manageable. What makes me ragey is how she manipulates and lies and does her best to get out of doing things or to get ahead somehow. She's burned me multiple times and when I have tried to call her out on her shit, she's lied about it or gone to the rest of the team to bitch about me behind my back. Our manager knows this but they are friends and my manager won't take a stand on anything.
I know I'm not the only one who feels this way about her, it's a constant topic of conversation because more than one person has been on the receiving end but I don't really care about everyone else. I'm the one who had to deal with how I feel. Do I front like Elsa and let it go or find my Edward and fight club it out? Thank you!
If you had asked me this question a few years ago I would have told you to continue to stand up for yourself, seek justice and fight for what is right. Now though, I have to say my perspective on work relationships, especially those that are strained, has shifted. Instead of fight club I’m more like the tag line of every reality dating show: “I’m not here to make friends”.
Look, we are at work to be professional, do our work, and do it the best we can. That’s all. If you’re lucky enough to work with an awesome team then that’s just gravy. Now I’m not saying you should walk around like some robot on the rag – that’s not the ticket. Be kind, be supportive, be a team player, but don’t waste your energy on the people that you will frankly never change. That’s not your job.
Listen, you’ve already brought this to your manager’s attention and everyone else knows she’s a sack of sh-t, so let it f-cking be. That will not only benefit your own mental sanity in the long run, but what I’ve often found is that if you let the dust settle that’s when a shady person’s true colors shine through.
What’s happening here is that there is so much drama, so much gossip that that becomes the focus which then distracts everyone from the actual problem. You know what I mean? Everyone is so caught up in all the other sh-t of taking sides, talking behind people's back, etc, that it creates a diversion from her being a sneak.
L, obviously I know it’s hard not to get emotionally involved when you’re spending an unnatural amount of time with a group of people, but in order to remain a moderately rational and happy person you’ve gotta detach. Like, check in and then check the f-ck out.
Hope this helps and keep me updated! xx Keep your questions coming to firstname.lastname@example.org.