Sasha Answers: Confronting my boyfriend’s best girl
I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 years and serious talks about engagement and marriage are taking place and things are going to happen soon. He is incredibly wonderful in every way except for the matter of his female best friend.
You see, I have never met her, talked to her, or even engaged in any sort of communication with her. Odd much? Well, it is not from a lack of trying on my behalf. For the first couple of years I have always asked my boyfriend about meeting her and he responds by saying that our (me and her) schedules never match up and that living in two different cities does not help. It only takes about 30-40 minutes to travel between the two cities. Any time she does come over to my city (multiple times), she invites him, their mutual friends, his family, and even his acquaintances to hang out. Never once has she ever mentioned anything about even meeting me. After that amount of trying on my side, I eventually stopped. Around that same time, I found out more about her from my boyfriend. To sum it up, she is the daddy issues-big fake boobs-heavy partier-loves cake face-provocative dresser-import model wannabe-switches boys often-flirts with other men in front of girlfriends-rather be with a group of guys in public-attention seeking type of girl (all his words!). I am the exact opposite.
Now to the question. She is starting to tell him that she is so excited to be at his wedding and to be his best man/woman type of deal and basically be involved with the entire process leading to his marriage. The problem? I do not want her to be. Clearly she has snubbed me for 4 years (and obviously cancels me out of her sentences about the upcoming events). I do not want to invite her to any engagement parties, bridal showers, and stagettes (which the boyfriend wants to happen). It will be a special and memorable time for me and I do not want anyone I am not particularly fond of to be anywhere near it. Sasha, what do I do? S
Before I go any further I’ve gotta call you out on something, S. My guess is that you feel seriously threatened by this chick. I’m right, right? Now before you start voodoo-dolling my ass, hang tight because I’d feel insecure too. If my man had some phantom hot, sexy, fun Marion Cotillard titted friend I wouldn’t be stoked to invite her to the most meaningful day of my life either. But here’s what that makes us: judgmental bitches.
Come on, you’ve never even met this girl and you’ve already painted her as some villain who’s going to defecate on your wedding cake and whore it up with every guy in the joint. That’s not fair at all. So S, you need to step back and press reset.
If I were you I’d have a talk with your man because you know what? I think he’s to blame for a lot of this. The fact that he has never once taken the initiative to set up an outing with the three of you is, well, weak. Dare I even suggest that he might be getting a little satisfaction from having two women fight over him? Hmmmm….
So here’s the easy-fix plan: Get him to set up a dinner date and oh, I don't know, talk to her. Who knows you might actually even get along? The point here is that you need to MEET this girl before you start freaking out and jumping to conclusions. And look, if she wants to be a part of the big day that's only fair. Let’s take this one step at time: give her a chance, hang out and then see how you feel after that.
(Lainey: I’m attaching a photo from My Best Friend’s Wedding. For some reason, it applies to SO many of your questions. What is it about that movie?)