Sasha Answers: do I miss my friends?
Dear Sasha, I'm feeling guilty about some neglected friendships. I have a group of girlfriends from college (we graduated about 10 years ago). We've all stayed in touch over the years, meeting up at weddings, showers etc, but we haven't maintained that call-each-other-every-week status that we had in college. I have another group of girlfriends that are my go-to gals on a daily basis.
Well over the last few years I've found myself drifting away from the college group. It's been over a year since I've actually seen or spoken with any of them short of the obligatory birthday text or christmas card with the few I was closest with. It's definitely my own fault that I've lost touch with them all since it was always me bailing out of events. It's not anything that any of them did or said, but for some reason as the years went on and I didn't see them as often I started to feel awkward always "catching up" at the events. It was almost like I just didn't have anything to talk about with them anymore. A few of my closest friends in the group really did make efforts over the last few years to meet up with me since they could tell we were losing touch, but I was terrible about following through and meeting up and now even they've given up.
Now I feel like I avoid them even more to avoid the inevitable guilt I feel when I think of how I lost touch with them. My question is - should I feel guilty about ditching my college girls and make a sincere effort to get back in touch, or just accept that it's been a long time and we've grown apart? Thanks for your help! L
I just came back from spending time with my best buds back home in Vancouver and something I always think about when I leave is how lame my life would be without them. Sure, we don’t spend hours on the phone like we used to, but knowing that they are my ride or die bitches for life is like the best human snuggie in the world. I only see them once a year, but even that little time with them is invaluable to me. I’ll actually start crying if I have to think about it any longer so let’s get back to you.
L, you need to ask yourself: do you feel bad out of guilt or do you feel bad because these girls are actually awesome people that you miss? Look, if it’s the former, no sweat. People move on in life and you’re allowed to do that. If they aren’t value add and you’re not looking for new friends then, again, cool. If what you want to hear from me is that you’re not a sh-tty person for not missing your old friends then here you go: you’re not a sh-tty person.
If it's scenario two, and you feel bad because you know these girls are great people and you were just a selfish dummy for cutting them out, then unfortunately, I have no quick answer to make you feel better. You'll need to do some work on your end to reach out and kick start your friendships again, and the best thing to do is pick up the phone. You may have to own up to the fact that you were the one who tapped out, fess up to being a crap friend and yes, say you’re sorry. From what you’ve written it seems as though these women still have the door cracked open for you, so if you want in, step through.
I’ve always maintained that you should have at least one amazing girlfriend in your life. Without one, well, I really don’t know how you’d get by day to day. I’ve heard from a lot of you out there who have found it difficult to create strong female friendships, and I’m really sorry to hear that. I say keep trying – I promise, they’re out there. So L, if you’re lucky enough to have some life-long friends out there who can enrich, deepen and improve your life then what the hell are you waiting for?
Keep sending in your life and style questions to firstname.lastname@example.org! xx