Sasha Answers: Do I tell my ex about my treatment?

November 25, 2013 18:10:01 Posted at November 25, 2013 18:10:01
Sasha Posted by Sasha

Hi Sasha -As of January this year, my long term relationship with Z ended due to location (he moved for school). We had an amicable break up and remained friends and he is still an important part of my life.

After the breakup, my drinking and partying (which was a problem in the past yet manageable while I was in a relationship) got out of control for months and months. I finally realized that I was an alcoholic and needed help. I went to a treatment center for a few months with the love and support of my friends and family. Everyone I talk to regularly knows where I was and is understanding and proud of me. My problem is with telling Z.

I got an email from Z right around the time I came back from treatment. We email every so often to see how each other is and catch up. I do not believe he knows where I was for those few months or that my drinking got as bad as it did after our break up. I have not answered his email yet. I do not want to lie to him but part of me doesn't want to tell him because I feel like he was the best thing that has ever happened to me and I still miss him/don't want him to think less of me.  Do I tell him so this lingering feeling goes away? Do i leave it since we are no longer together? Please help as I cannot stop thinking about telling him and about he and I as a couple.  Thanks – A

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First, I have to tell you how great it is that you not only recognized that alcohol was a problem for you, but that you took control and got the help you needed. That couldn’t have been an easy time, so all I have to say is: Right. On.

Okay let’s get to Z and my answer is absolutely, Yes. Chances are that if he hasn’t heard the news through the grape vine, he probably had an inkling that you had a drinking problem when you guys were together. So A, I have no doubt in my mind that he’ll be proud of you for growing, maturing and dealing with it, just like the rest of your friends and family. 

But here’s the catch: It’s important that you don’t mistake his positive feelings towards you as an invitation to opening the door again to a romantic relationship. I know that’s a bitch slap of a reality, but I just want you to be prepared because I can sense that when it comes your feelings towards Z they’re still pretty raw and real.

So A, if that last paragraph was hard to swallow then maybe it isn’t the best time for you to write back to him. I’m not saying don’t ever do it, but maybe you need to give yourself a few more weeks to slowly readjust back to your life instead of adding a whole bunch of extra complications, you know? However when you do feel ready to reach out to him, let me know and I’d be happy to take a peek at your letter before you press “send”. 

Thanks for writing in and keep me posted! xx 
 

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