Sasha Answers: Don’t Bang Your Buds
Hey Sasha, So I dated this dude for about a year, and we decided after the breakup to remain friends. Problem was, it was a "break up one day, and literally the next day we hang out as friends" type thing, so there wasn't really a recovery period. The first while after the breakup was brutal, because I wasn't over it. Now, it's been a few years, and I've dated other people, and so has he, but way less frequently than me. We also occasionally hook up when we're completely hammered, then just sort of avoid ever speaking of it when sober. My problem is that I value him a lot as a friend, and he's a way better friend than a boyfriend. I don't want to date him again, but whenever he starts seeing someone, I get incredibly jealous, and start going through these thoughts that he'll treat her better than he treated me, so I'm not really happy when he dates someone. I try not to ask questions about the girls, but inevitably, my curiosity gets the best of me and I talk to him about them, thus continuing my jealousy. How in the heck to I stay friends with him and just learn to be happy for him? I don't want to not be friends, and I want to just be happy for him, but it seems easier said than done. Thanks, W
One thing I’ll never understand is how people think sleeping with their ‘friends’ is a good idea. I’ve talked about my feelings on this subject before, but here’s a quick refresher: you don’t bang your buds.The end.
It’s not to say that once you bump nasties you can’t be friends ever again, but for that to happen there needs to be a decent time out. W, if you actually and truly do want to be friends with this guy, you need to take a break from him. Also, I'm guessing the sex isn't even that balls to the wall amazing, otherwise you would have expressed that. So if it is just some sloppy drunk f-cking, will it really be that hard to give up?
The other thing is you might think you’re one of those girls who can just get her rocks off with no emotion attached, but heads up 7 up, you’re not. I do believe you when you say you don’t want to be with him, but a funny thing happens when friend juices mix….for some reason it can create “Phantom Feelings” (hence your jealousy), so before sh-t gets any more wacked out do yourself a favor and detach…..no, literally, please take his dick out of you. And hey, here’s an idea - just try being REAL FRIENDS.
I'd say it's high time you hunkered down and watched the shittiest movie on earth: Friends with Benefits.