Sasha Answers: FWB and Feelings

September 11, 2012 21:36:00 Posted at September 11, 2012 21:36:00
Sasha Posted by Sasha

Hi Sasha! Okay, so here's the deal. I've been in a friends with benefits relationship with this guy for a long time, too long really. It just turned into a stupid situation where I couldn't get away and kept going back even after repeatedly telling myself I was done.  Anyways, about a month ago we slept together again after several months of me actively trying to stay away from him. Two weeks after that, I ran into him at a club and he seemed really happy to see me. He was hugging me, giving me kisses, and he even grabbed my behind at one point and gave me a little bite on my cheek, super flirty. Cut to twenty minutes later and I see him groping some other girl and making out with her. Needless to say, I felt hurt and disgusted and left soon after. I messaged him the next day and told him I wanted nothing to do with him, that I didn't want to see him or talk to him and to please just leave me alone. He responded by saying that he felt bad that I had to see that and that he values me as a friend and hopes time flies so that I can accept him as a friend again.  

Unfortunately, not seeing him ever is hardly an option. His sister happens to be my best friend and I am really close to his family. So much so that I get invited to all the family events and am considered a member of that family. Should I just avoid events where I know he might be there? Do I go but ignore him or just say hi and bye and that's it? S


This is exactly why I’ve always said friends with benefits is the dumbest thing a person can do.   People, do you hear me?!  It never works out. NEVER.  Now, obviously I know that when you’re single you need to twerk it out, but spread that love sparingly because as soon as you dole your goods out to the same person over and over, a third party rears its head, and not the fun kind.  You guessed it:  "Feelings".

Here’s the deal S, you need to know that this guy, in no way shape or form, wants to be your boyfriend.  He’s not interested.  The only thing he wants is to f-ck and you happen to be available.  Got it?  Good.

I know I’m being harsh, but trust me, in order for you to get over him you need to think he’s a loser and you need to more or less hate the dude.  This is going to take a bit of time, so in the meantime take a rain check on the next upcoming events with this family.  Now that doesn’t mean avoid your best friend, just avoid the places that her brother will be.

The bottom line is that you really need to give yourself the head-space to figure a few things out, like: Why do you keep going back to him? How do you feel after you’re with him? What do you actually want from a relationship? You get my drift?  Once you get a few of those answered, here’s hoping you’ll be long over him.

I hope this helps and keep me posted.

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