Sasha Answers: Friends, Weddings, and Babies
Dear Sasha, I recently reached the age where most of my friends have started getting engaged, married and having kids. One of my close friends got hitched last year and I was asked to be a bridesmaid, at the time I had no idea what this entailed. During the planning phase the bride called me often but only to talk about the wedding, there was no interest in anyone or anything else and since the wedding I have talked to her a handful of times.
Now I am in the midst of planning another bachelorette weekend for another friend who is getting married soon, the problem is that I haven't spoke to her in almost two months? She hasn't called me, she only emailed me to make sure I was planning the event and even my texts aren't being replied to. Should I expect that once my friends get married I will not hear from them unless they are calling to tell me they are pregnant? And finally I find Stag and Does to be unbelievably tacky and straight up do not want to attend these, am I wrong for declining these events? J
Entering the married/kiddie phase of one’s life is weird. It’s so easy to feel left out when everyone around you is dropping the ‘husband’ bomb or talking about how their vagina ripped all the way up to their asshole after giving birth. (!!!!!) Fine, the latter isn’t a clique I want to be a part of, but it’s definitely isolating if you’re the odd man out.
Having said that, the key to long lasting friendships is respecting each person’s continual growth and transformation. It’s all about finding new middle grounds that brings you back to the core of your friendship. But here comes that bad news: J I don’t know if your situation lends itself here because these ‘friends’ of yours, well they sound like some flaky ass muther f-ckers.
So let me get right to your first question. The answer is NO! you shouldn’t expect your friends to treat you like sh-t….ever. So you have every right to feel upset because they have let you down. Here’s a little advice for the future: before investing in a 24 pack of penis straws, figure out if the person is a TRUE friend or not.
Onto the subject of Stag and Does...
I think you need to take it on a case by case basis. If the two getting hitched are good friends and legitimately need the support, then I say go. But if you barely know them and their car is swisher than yours….. I give you my blessings to stay at home. Another factor that plays into all of this is if you can actually afford to attend or not. You shouldn’t have to eat from the McDonalds dollar menu in order to supply all the centerpieces for a wedding that isn’t even yours, you know? In my opinion, the lead up events to weddings can be WAY too much and WAY too expensive so J, don’t feel guilty if you have to bail out of one here or there.
Hope this helps! Keep sending in your life and style questions my way at firstname.lastname@example.org