Sasha Answers: He Needs Space

May 7, 2012 18:55:55 Posted at May 7, 2012 18:55:55
Sasha Posted by Sasha

Quick Coles Notes version:  started working with a guy a year and a half, almost two, years ago. We became good friends pretty quickly, but he was dating someone at the time so it was pure friendship between us.  He broke up with that girl, we hung out a few times, and then he got back together with her.  I was devastated because I thought we were going down the path of being together.  We maintained a very flirty relationship at work, so I never really got over my feelings for him.  Fast forward to a few months ago, our flirtations were driving me insane because he would do and say really nice things that made me think he felt the same way about me.  So I finally decided to confront him about them, and I was right.  He said he had really strong feelings for me and thought about me a lot, and that he has wanted to tell me, but was obviously still in a relationship that he knew would end inevitably, so he was going to end that before letting me know how he felt.  I told him I was going to give him space to figure out his sh-t.  A few weeks later, he broke up with his girlfriend, and we started hanging out immediately. We hung out a few times and now he's scared he jumped into things too fast with me without having any time and space between relationships, so we've decided to cool it a bit so he has his space.
I know the best course of action is to completely stay away from him and give him the cold shoulder because he wanted space, I should give it to him full force.  But it's hard to ignore someone you see every day.   Should I believe him or try to move on? D.

I watch Oprah’s LifeClass religiously and I have to say…’s f-cking awesome.  She keeps making the Kool-Aid and I keep happily swilling it.  Anyway, it reminds me of a quote from the Mighty O:

“If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't, nothing can make him stay.”

D, there is a whole lotta truth to that.  Look, if there is one thing I’ve learned writing this column it’s that when someone wants a person badly enough, they’ll go out of their way to do all kinds of crazy things to get them.  Point is:  nothing stands in the way.  And truthfully D, I think if this dude really wanted to be with you right now, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.  
You have to trust the words that are coming out of his mouth.  He is clearly telling you that he’s not ready to be with you.  And you know what? I have to say I think he’s making a good call.  He’s just broken up with this girl, again, and while it may not have worked out he still needs time to process it.  Also, who are we kidding here?  I’m sure buddy wants to sling his dick around a bit too, you know?  

The bottom line is that he’s asked for space and you need to really give it to him.  I know it’s going to be hard, but trust me, pining away for him will not only be embarrassing and heartbreaking for you, but buddy will also find it a major turn off.

Look, trust me, moving on is the only option here.  It’s a win-win.  It’ll not only keep you busy and detached through this whole “needing space” deal, but more importantly it will keep you emotionally open and available to date other emotionally open and available men.  You dig?

Woman to woman – I think you can do better.  

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