Sasha Answers: He owes me money and blocked me
Hi Sasha, I had been dating this guy for a few months, and it was one of those whirlwind things. I prefer to take things slowly and build them up over time, but he was super intense about it and since I’m of the idea that I shouldn’t deny myself the chance to experience things differently, I decided to give it a go. Then, overnight, he stopped texting so often and initiating conversations. I called him out on it, and he said he knew he had to be more communicative but really wanted me to give him a chance to work it out.
He was always extremely affectionate, and kept talking about a future together, making plans, etc. Then it happened again. I called him a few days later, but he didn’t pick up. I tried again later on, but nothing, and right after that, as I was texting him through his preferred text-messaging app that he can’t live without (I’m not kidding) when it was OK to call him since we needed to talk, I saw he blocked me. So basically, he was cutting me off and trying to prevent me from contacting him.
I know this is when you tell me to let it go, but there’s a bit of a complication: He owes me money. Not a lot, but not pennies either. Let’s just say is more than a few trips to the grocery store. And we both made it clear it was a loan, not a gift.
I know I’ll get over it and will probably find it funny eventually (I mean, the whole getting-dumped-by- way-of-apps is pretty ridiculous) but I’m worried about what all this means about me, if I’m projecting something that attracts people like him, who turn out to be dishonest, or if I invite people to take me for a fool.
Did I ever tell you the time I got love-jacked high and dry? I’ll keep it quick. We were dating for a few months. He asked me to come visit him one weekend. Dude booked travel times. My suitcase was in my hand.
Andddd: scene. I literally never heard from him again.
Guess who I blamed? Me. And you know what? I was right to point the finger right at myself. Sure, at the end of the day, this dude was a giant bag of dicks, but I knew that full well. You know how people always talk about how in retrospect they see the signs? Well, I think if we were a bit more honest with ourselves we need to own up to the fact that most times we see the shadiness happening in real time.
So M, if you want better, you’re going to need hold yourself up to a higher standard. That means two things: a) picking from a better crop of dudes and b) cut the crap ones out as soon as you get a whiff of their stank.
Listen, I’m all for giving people chances and of course, there will always be fumbles and f-ck ups along the way, but if you’re not getting the bare minimum i.e. regular communication, that’s a marquee f-cking flag to pull the plug on it.
As for the money sitch. I mean, if we’re talking a couple hundred bucks I’d see it as buying yourself some peace, but if it’s a bigger wad of dough then I’d simply send him an email and tell him to money transfer that sh-t on the double. But let’s get one thing clear, do not use this money as some excuse to see or talk to him again. Comprende?