Sasha Answers: Her last wish

August 18, 2014 18:15:28 Posted at August 18, 2014 18:15:28
Sasha Posted by Sasha

My fiancé and I have been together for 8 years, engaged for 3 and we have a 5 year old son. Everything is great, we're fully committed to one another and have made a home together. I just graduated from college and am on the hunt for a job. Because of this we've never actually set a date and we have been in no rush to get married.

Unfortunately and unexpectedly, my fiancé's mother was recently diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer. The median life span after diagnosis for this type of cancer is 5-6 months.  We're devastated and ready to be there for her and willing to do anything to help her through the rest of her life.

She recently made a remark that she wants to see our wedding before she passes. We both just played it off at the time but she seemed pretty serious.  I don't know what to do. We're in no position to pay for a wedding (we will be paying for it solely). My fiancé and I have talked about it a little and while he agrees that it's not the most opportune time for us to get married, he wants to make his mother happy.

It makes me feel completely selfish, but I began to cry thinking about all the things I wouldn't be able to do if we were to throw a wedding in the next few months.   Am I a horrible person for not wanting to do it so rushed and quickly? 

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I think anyone who has experienced the unfortunate reality of a loved one becoming sick knows how quickly everything turns upside down. It takes an incredible emotional toll on all involved, but if there is any upside to it - and I use “upside” very loosely - it's that you get a huge blast of life perspective. All the petty day-to-day bullsh-t just falls away because you realize that the only thing of importance is the health of your loved ones. The seriousness of life gets a little less serious, you know?

So T, I know that if I were in your position, especially if I was in your fiancé’s, I would do anything to fulfill her last wish. There is no way I would even question it. Listen, all the pieces are together in this. It’s not like you guys just met and she’s forcing you to get married. This is something that’s already in the works and something that you want to do, so if that means you need to hustle and put something together, then f-cking hustle and put it together.

I’m not saying you have to throw some extravagant dream wedding, but a small, backyard ceremony with some food and drinks is all you need to do. You could do all that for 500 bucks. That won’t break the bank at all, and if it does a little, you’ll be fine.

Life is as f-cking fragile as it gets so if you can do a few things to make someone’s exit a bit more meaningful, to honor it with a bit more love, why would you not?

Thanks for writing in and send me pictures! xx

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