Sasha Answers: he’s famous & ashamed of me
Sasha! I have a definite issue. I have been dating this guy, we'll call him J, for about seven months now. We get along great, he's good to me, sex is amazing,ect ect. The problem? He's a (pretty A list) movie actor. I know it sounds nuts (trust me, sometimes I can't even believe it myself) but it's been fun and exciting and something new. I'm a sports journalist and we met through a mutual friend which lead to a friendship which eventually to a romance. The issue with our "relationship" is that nobody really knows about it except us. We rarely go out in public and when we do we go to obscure places and everything seems so rushed. I completely understand his point of view because well, discretion is everything to these actors. He says that it's for my benefit even more than his (which is a lie) and that things are fine the way they are. And by no means do I want attention from the media or anything by going public, I just want my friends and family to have an idea about what's going on in my personal life. He doesn't even want me telling them! At this point, I am so lost. I really like him, I want to continue in a relationship (I think thats what this is) with him, but I feel as though he's embarrassed by his "commoner" girlfriend. What good is being with someone if you can't share it with your girlfriends or even your mom! Do I give him an ultimatum? Or simply move on to someone more in my own league. Please help! T
I really want to believe that this is legit, and that you are in fact dating an A LIST star, so T I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt here. But here’s the deal: once I answer, I need a private email sent directly my way with the name of this guy. Cool? Okay, nice doing business with you.
We all have our Hollywood wish list, right? Lainey has her rotating freebie 5 and I have my list of premature boys I’d like to tap. Obviously this is all for sh-ts and giggles, because if it came down to it there is no way in the world I. Could. Ever. (Lainey: and she means it. See Colin Farrell - click here) The reality is Hollywood is one messed up skeeze pool, and the M.O is to groom normal people into ego maniacs. Yes, I’m generalizing, but working in this industry for years, it’s pretty accurate. So who do they date? Equally fucked up ego-maniacs and/or partners that are willing to suck sh-t up on a regular basis. So is that you, T? Are you the kind of girl who can slurp up sh-t?
If you want to sign up for this kind of life, cool, but you have to understand that all the normal dating and life rules fly out the window. There are so many factors tied up in fame, and if you’re a hot A-lister, your single status is a prized muther f-cking possession. If fans think they have even a .0001 chance with you, your fame quotient rises. It’s just Hollywood math. So what that means T, is that right now, this guy sees you as a liability to his success. Romantic, right?
If you don’t believe me then you have to read Your Voice In My Head. Lainey recommended the book and I have to say it’s one of my favorite reads. It’s particularly amazing if you want insight into what it’s like dating a f-cked up celebrity, more specifically what it’s like to date Colin Farrell. So get yourself to a Barnes & Noble STAT.
Here’s the question you really need to ask yourself: are you built for this? Because trust me, this isn’t going to be the only hurdle in your relationship. All I’m saying is that you need to be sure of what you’re willing to compromise to be with him.
So this leads us back to your central issue of concern. Is not being able to include your family and friends into the joy of your love life a deal breaker? Can you suck that up? If you can, carry on and good luck to you in your future endeavors. If you can’t, then you have to be straight up with the dude. Tell him that keeping it hush with your family is no longer up for debate. If he’s cool with that, great, if he’s not then that’s a pretty clear indication that he’s not ready for a REAL relationship. Right? So game over, move on.
Hope this helps and you better keep me posted.