Sasha Answers: How Do I Tell Him I Used To Be Married

August 7, 2012 18:13:38 Posted at August 7, 2012 18:13:38
Sasha Posted by Sasha

Hi, When I was 18 I got married in Portugal to a friend's brother (who I was casually dating at the time) so I could get a visa to stay in the country. Anyway - me and the visa hubby divorced 10 months after my visa came through (we dated on and off for about a year, visa came through after 2 years, we have no contact since then but all was fine).

Fast forward to now I'm back, 34, in a relationship with an amazing guy and, without a doubt, the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.  I'm pretty sure he feels the same as he has been doing the "what's your ring size"/"my "friend" bought a ring like this, do you like it?" type enquiries. It's been 2 years and I feel a proposal in the air. The problem: I haven't told him I've been married before.

It's not like he doesn't know I have a history - I have a child from a (different) previous relationship, he has one too - (but has never been married). When we met we felt like we had a second chance, we've become an amazing blended family and I love his stable, normal siblings/parents/etc. All is good. But he's a very straight shooter and a simple guy with NO drama and I'm scared to tell him. Not because I think he'll go Hulk style or anything but because I feel it will taint things. I just want to figure out the right way to handle this without making it worse. N

I’m not just saying this to make you feel better, but I really don’t think this is a big deal at all.  Sure, it’ll be a bit of a bummer for him to know that he won’t be the one to pop your wedding cherry and yes, he’ll be shocked by the news, but a deal breaker?  No way. 

So N, if you want to get in and out of this at low emotional cost, it’s in your best interest to  not to make this whole marriage thing a bigger issue than it needs to be.  Honestly, the way you delivered the news to me is exactly how you should dole it out to him.  Ie.  I was young, I wanted to live somewhere else, and I got hitched for papers.  Isn’t that so ridiculous and amazingly immature? Pass the salt. 

Look, no one comes into a relationship with a clean slate; we all come with our baggage and skeletons.  And what’s to judge anyway?  You were a teenager, you were in love, and you were living your life.   It would be unfair for him to fault or shame you for that. 

Of course though there’s no escaping the fact that you should have told him this, oh I don’t know, two years ago!!!   But sh-t dude, people aren’t perfect, we sometimes make bad judgment calls and the only thing you can do is say: I’m sorry.  So that’s what you’re going to have to do now and I’ll bet all $100.00 of my savings that he’ll get over it and you’ll both live happily ever after. 

This seems like a good excuse to remember THIS! I think Britney might just be the best celebrity ever.

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