Sasha Answers: I catfished a guy
Hi Sasha, I've done a bad thing and could really use your advice. About a month ago, I met a guy online and we kind of instantly hit it off. We talked for about a week before he started to ask if he could see more than just face shots of me. Well, I did the worst thing I've ever done and sent him pictures of some random girl I found online. You see, I consider myself a lady in "transition". I've been working hard to get in shape and have seen results, but I'm still not at a state I am comfortable with. I stupidly thought I could stall him for a few months until I looked more like the girl in the photos and I just assumed whatever we had going on was fleeting and wouldn't go anywhere. The problem is, I started to develop feelings for him and he said he felt the same. I think he kind of caught on somewhat though so he pushed for a Skype call. At this point, I already felt terrible for lying to him, but I didn't know how to backtrack and tell him the truth, so I kept tangling myself in a web of excuses as to why I couldn't Skype with him. One day he said he couldn't do it anymore, he liked me, but he didn't like having the feeling that he was being played. I panicked because I'd started to like him and that doesn't happen often for me. I agreed to a Skype call and showed him the real me. Naturally, he was angry. I couldn't blame him one bit. I was angry at myself for ever lying to him in the first place. I kind of assumed that'd be the end of it, but the next day he contacted me and told me I should've been honest with him in the beginning because he had no problem with the way I looked. He's a great guy and I kind of feel like I met my equal in him, but I don't know what to do. Do I try to move forward and see if this can go anywhere or do I let it go since something established on a lie could never work?
I don’t want to shame you any more than you've shamed yourself, but dude, sending fake pictures??!?!? That’s not only a super weak move, but how in the sh-t did you think you could catfish him into actually liking you after doing something like that?
Clearly, that last question was supposed to be rhetorical as f-ck, because G, I can’t believe this guy is still talking to your ass. So, hey, maybe there is a chance here for you to redeem yourself and prove to him that this lie was an exception and not the rule.
So I say give it a try, apologize again, and see how it pans out; this time around though, you need to be fully and completely honest. No hiding behind your insecurities, no ducking out of self-doubt, because G, without sounding super cheese and pedestrian …… if you don’t love yourself then who the hell is gonna?