Sasha Answers: I don’t trust his ex
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My fiancé showed me a text he received today from his ex, whom he dated for half a year and then broke up with, before dating me. The text was harmless enough, but there is something about this woman that has always made me slightly nervous. I have never been the jealous type, but there's something about this woman (whom I will dub, B) that I've never liked.
From everything I've ever heard about B, she is manipulative and plays games with people- my fiance confided in me that she hurt him and cheated on him causing him to immediately break up with her. They continue to see each other once every month or two, because my fiance is a client of somebody that B works with, but they are most definitely not friends.
A little while ago, my fiance deleted her off of social media and apparently she was cold and distant the next couple of times he saw her. Coincidentally this was also around the time that she would have heard we are engaged. Well we just moved in together to a new area of our city, and B now works at a new branch, in our new area. She was EXTREMELY friendly and chatty upon seeing my fiance a couple of weeks ago, telling him all about her promotion and transfer. Seeing her text making small talk about the bad weather conditions and the unreliability of transit, and the traffic etc. made me wary, in light of the fact that she knows he's engaged and because they're not friends and there's no good reason for her to keep texting him.
I trust my fiance implicitly, but I just don't trust this woman. Sasha, am I being paranoid or do I have good reason to worry? V
Oh this is a lot of pressure to put on me because I have NO idea what this woman’s true intentions are. Sure, I guess she could be making a run at your man orrrrrr she could just be trying to reach out to a familiar face in a new city.
It’s hard to make that call right now but V, I agree that there’s a little too much chattiness between her and your homie. I’ve always been of the mindset that an ex is an ex for a reason; when you move on to another relationship, you have to cut ties. That doesn’t mean cut off for life -- a few Facebook likes and a happy birthday text here and there are all above board -- but if it’s more frequent than that it becomes a bit suspect.
So here’s an idea, V: Instead of internalizing all these feelings until they unravel into a hot jealous mess why don’t you have a conversation about how you’re feeling with your fiancé? If you're planning to ball and chain his ass for life then you'll need to learn how to have these types of conversations so get cracking! Just let him know that you’re feeling a bit weird about how much she’s reaching out to him and that you want him to shut that sh-t down. How he does it is up to him; all he needs to know is that you’d like him to nip that sh-t in the bud. If he’s a stand-up dude, he’ll know that it’s the right thing to do.
Hope this helps and keep me posted on this one! I'm back from vacation so hit me up with your questions at firstname.lastname@example.org.