Sasha Answers: I drunk-kissed another guy
Sasha, this has been eating me up inside and I need advice. I have been dating my wonderful boyfriend for one year plus and things are great. It was serious from the beginning and I honestly think that I've found my match.
We did long distance for six months and during that time, I f-cked up. I met someone, with whom I share a mutual acquaintance, at an event where serious drinking and wanton intoxication was the norm. I was NOT at all attracted to this man but thought he was a cool person in a friends way. However, we found ourselves split off from our group of friends, deep in conversation. He kept bringing me drinks (which I stupidly accepted), I kept getting more drunk and eventually, he pulled a move.
Unfortunately, I was so drunk at this point that, I didn't make the connection that this stranger kissing me would hurt his feelings like no other. Since I didn't say no, he continued leaning over to kiss me at intervals over an hour or so. Like, disgusting, sloppy, washing-machine tongue kisses.
Fast forward to now... I see my boyfriend frequently, and have had dozens of chances to tell him about this. I hate myself for what I did but I don't think I can handle losing my relationship over this.
I know you want to rationalize this as "no big deal", but I think this drunken slop-fest has a bit more meaning than you realize. Sorry, but people don’t just make-out and hand-hold a random if things are great in their relationships, you know? So what’s going on with you? You’ve gotta start figuring that out.
My guess is that you’re probably not cut out for long distance relationships; not many people are. That by no means gives you a free make-out pass, but it does explain what you did. For me, if I’m dating someone they need to at least be in the same area code. Maybe think about this before you get into another one…
Look, had this been some innocent peck that had been planted on you, I would have told you to take it to the grave, but where this goes from innocent to sketchy is the fact that you engaged in this spit swapper for over an hour. Damn, I don’t even kiss my husband for that long.
Okay, so to tell or not to tell - the answer is simple: you have to fess up. Would you be okay if he held a whopper like this from you? You’d want to know, right? So for that reason I think you have to come clean, but if I were you I'd leave the whole time factor out.
Look, here's the upside: a lot (but not all) couples survive this kind of sh-t. He’ll hate you for a while, you’ll have to win back his trust but in the end, who knows, you could come out of this with a stronger relationship. It’s possible.
T, standing in the truth isn’t easy, it can be super uncomfortable, but sometimes you have to own your f-ck ups, and if you want to be able to say you have an honest relationship, this is one of those times.
Hope this helps and keep me posted! xx