Sasha Answers: I hate his homies
Hi Sasha, I'll get straight to the point: I hate my boyfriend's friends. Let me give you a bit of background on my boyfriend. We've been together for 6+ years. Overall, he's an amazing partner, most than I could really ask for. He's patient, kind and so supportive. He's also very focused and driven career-wise. He's been raised well, too, and by that I mean (at least in front of me) he has a healthy respect for women. He's a great guy.
With that said, he has God awful taste in friends. These are all men (boys) in their mid-20's, by the way. Their conversations are dominated by these disgusting misogynistic tirades and holy hell, I do not know what to do! The fact of the matter is that they reek of insecurity. But common sense tells me that he must have something in common with this lot to maintain relationships with them.
Last year, we hit a bit of a rough patch. I've mentioned before that my boyfriend usually has sound judgement so it came as no surprise that the problematic way in which he approached our problems last year was due to "advice" given by THESE friends. Heck, the ring leader 'advised' him to cut his losses and pursue a relationship with someone else.
Since then, I have been unable to stand these guys. He's still in regular contact with them, albeit less than before, and it irks me every single time. Please tell me what to do and how to approach this situation!
I’m sure everyone reading this can relate. There’s always at least one dickhead in our significant others’ lives, and it's usually the one who convinces them to stay out 10 more drinks after last call. I’m not gonna lie – it’s annoying as f-ck, but G, are you telling me you don’t have a few liabilities lurking in your friend group? Of course you do.
Listen, I agree, these dudes sound like useless tools, but it’s not like his relationship with the boys is really rubbing off on your relationship in a negative way. Sure, there was that one hiccup where they tried to get him to ditch your ass, but hooray! he didn’t listen to them, and that’s the difference. Right? Right. But here’s the real meal deal J, you don’t get to tell your man who he is or who he’s not allowed to be friends with. It’s as simple as that.
Having said all of this though, you’re not totally hooped. There are still some things you can do to make this situation better.
The first is to take a step back and drop the snob. Get to know a couple of them to see if you can sniff out any redeemable qualities and/or common ground. I mean, if you haven’t done this in the past then you definitely owe it to your man to at least say you tried to bridge the gap.
If you still loathe them after that, then it's up to you to inject some cool people into your social scene. Expose him to your girlfriend’s boyfriends and orchestrate some nights out with different groups of people. Fingers crossed this will open his eyes to the fact that he’s rolling with some serious duds.
Lastly - and probably the most practical thing to do - is to get a grip and not get emotionally twisted by his friends, because at the end of the day if these are the people he chooses to have bro time with, it’s pretty much none of your business.
Thanks for writing in and keep me posted! xx