Sasha Answers: I have a bf but I’m attracted to my friend

July 28, 2014 18:21:12 Posted at July 28, 2014 18:21:12
Sasha Posted by Sasha

Hi Sasha, I've been with my boyfriend for about six years now, we're what you call "high-school sweethearts" and I've always been really happy with him through good and bad times.
Two years ago we started to hang out with this group of friends through my bf's cousin, they're all coupled up except this one guy and long story short I've been crushing on him ever since.  We hit off right from the start, we have an amazing chemistry and the same view of the world, same goals and expectations...when I talk with him I just feel like we match...
Sometimes I think he feels the same way but he would NEVER act upon it because he's shy and he is good friend with my bf, it really feels like a three way relationship sometimes.  I've been going crazy over this situation because in the meanwhile I love my boyfriend, he is lovable and kind and we share interests and have the same morals but lately we started having problems, we are fighting more and more each day and each day I daydream more about the other guy who seems so much better on the outside...I know it's messed up and I don't know what to do
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Do you like this guy because it’s a sweet distraction from a relationship that’s starting to fade or do you like this guy because he’s actually the one?

That’s your riddle to figure out, but I can tell you for sure that what you’re doing will get you zero steps closer to the answer. You’re entering a complicated situation only by making things more complicated so F, what you need to do now is back the f-ck off and figure some sh-t out.

In my opinion, you owe the effort first to your boyfriend, and not this other guy. Meaning, you need to see if the problems between the two of you are fixable or even worth fixing before your brain even starts to think about number two.   

If you can tell me that you’ve exhausted all the avenues for putting your current relationship back together then, yes, you’ll get my thumbs up for breaking up and moving on. But F, I have a feeling you’re not even close to that. So if you have the slightest bit of respect for your boyfriend then you've gotta drop the other dude until you've figured out what’s going in your goddamn relationship. No hangouts, not texting, no nothing.

Listen, I’m not trying to convince you to stay with your boyfriend. Again, I’m all for moving on if there’s nothing left to stick around for, but I’m just not quite sure you want to take a sh-t on a 6 year relationship over a guy you don’t even know is interested in you. Sit on that and rotate for a while.

Thanks for writing in and keep me posted! xx

 
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