Sasha Answers: Is Marriage A Life Sentence?
I am set to get married very soon. I love him with all my heart, he's my best friend and I am excited to be his wife. We've been together for many, many years already. As excited as I am, as soon as I run out of wedding tasks, I can't help feeling panicky. Not about him, but about being married. It feels so grown up, like my whole life is over and decided and boring and typical. I wish I would have sewn some more wild oats. I get a bit freaked out thinking I will never have another first kiss or those amazing first moments with someone new...But I so pumped for the firsts I'll know I'll have with my husband. The situation isn't being helped by a super hot guy I met recently-nothing happened other than some very hot, hot dancing and I have deleted his phone number, but I can't help think about what life I am going to miss out on.
I can't talk to any friends about this, and it isn't an issue of not loving my man, I think it is just freaked out a being MARRIED and feeling like there's no surprises left. J.
I give you props for being so honest because I think almost everyone goes through this stage, to varying degrees, before they get married. Yes, it’s such a wonderful time, but it’s also totally terrifying to know that you’re locked into something that’s supposed to be “forever”. It’s that idea of ‘forever’ that freaks people out, but J, marriage is not a life sentence and that’s not how you should view it at all.
Getting married is a commitment which means that the only thing you’re allowed to kiss is your single days goodbye. I’m not going to lie - it’s an adjustment, but whenever I have that feeling that “the grass is greener” all I have to do is talk to my single friends to know that the patch of grass they’re standing on is yellow and piss stained. That’s not to say you should find any ‘ol guy to stick it out with, but if you’ve found a real partner, someone you love, trust and share the same values with, then you’re one of the lucky few.
Now I obviously can’t judge from your letter whether this guy is the right one – ultimately, that’s for you to decide - but if what’s holding you back is the occasional grind with some random, then I think you need to check yourself. Look, I’m not going to say that marriage is easy breezy – it ain’t. There will be some hard ass muther f-cking trying times, but the trump card here is that you get to go through it < get ready to swallow some cheese > with your best bud.
J, it sounds like you’re just suffering from a case of cold feet, but to make sure I’d sit down, get real with yourself and write down all your fears. If at the end, it still just boils down to not getting to shove your tongue down another guy’s throat then that whole growing up thing you’re scared to do is something you actually need to do.
Hope this helps and keep me posted! xx