Sasha Answers: Love & Texting
So I've started seeing this guy that I take seriously, more seriously than any other guy I've dated before and my problem is simple, with this build-up of interest and so on follows the whole texting each other back and forth of how was your day and blablabla. I don't like it. If we're having dinner and talking, then sure talk about your week and so on, but I cannot engage in ritualistic exchange of the mundane activities of my day. In the past, I would have just told him about it upfront, but the thing is I do really like him and don't want to scare him off, so please help me figure out what I can do. I don't like to share myself through a text, it is so unsatisfying to me. Do I quietly play along with the texting back and forth, even though I don't feel that it adds any value to our relationship, or do I tell him that it doesn't work for me? S
I have a real love/hate for texting. On the one hand it obviously makes things more convenient if you’re running late or organizing drinks or want to tell that asshole who gave you the run around to lose your number - all that is just great and fine in my books. But it’s those other people who want to have full on f-cking heart to hearts over text that I just don’t get. This is where the old fogey in me comes out…..
I think relying on texting, social media, or any kind of technology to get to know someone is so inauthentic. It just makes everything feel so, I don’t know, flat. Every word or thought becomes so pre-meditated, you know? It takes all the fun out of the unpredictability and necessary awkwardness of socializing. I don’t know about you but I want to see the person across from me get embarrassed, or angry or sad; I want to see emotion in a face, not an emoticon.
Am I being dramatic? Fine, maybe I am because I know that when I first started dating my man we did a lot of flirting over text, but wait wait wait….the difference was we also saw each all the goddamn time. Texting was our life line; if we couldn’t see each other we still desperately wanted to be in touch. And I think that’s what’s important here S - you need to find a balance. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him asking you how your day was or having those kinds of digital exchanges during the day, but if that’s the only way you two are communicating before leading up to a date, well, then yes, I think that’s strange.
So what to do? It’s easy: the next time he tries to rope you in to a long drawn out text discussion, pick up that thing we call the phone. Start making a habit of it. Once you guys get into a rhythm that’s when I think you can express to him how much more you enjoy TALKING to him rather than texting. If he’s not a total dunce, he’ll get the 411.
Hope this helps! xx