Sasha Answers: Male, 25, straight, single
Hi Sasha, First of all, am I the only guy to have ever written in? Now on to my problem, I'm 25 and I’ve never been in a relationship. Think of me as a clean slate because I’ve never had any experience and its getting me down because I want to feel that companionship. I've never had any experience in my teen years I’ve always had girl mates but I’ve been told I always "friend zone" myself so even if I wanted it to lead somewhere it’s too late. I don't even know how to speak to a girl to let them know I’m interested and believe me I’ve liked a few girls but I’m literally CLUELESS as to what to do or say to show my interest. I have a fear of saying something because I feel like I will be laughed at or judged for even trying. In my mind I’ve missed out on some years where I could have learnt how to be and what to say, and as a result now I’m a shy reserved person around women and I don’t even try anymore. I'll look at a girl and think "she’s out of my league" and won't try anything. I just don't know how to act. Any advice would be very helpful.
Oh my god YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You’re the first straight dude who has ever written in and I LOVE YOU for it!
But what’s even more amazing about you writing in is that I can tell you’re totally f-cking ready to bring it; instead of keeping your feelings locked inside, you’re finally starting to communicate and B, that’s a very important first step. You’re tired of being alone, you’re tired of stifling your feelings, you’re tired of not getting laid. Good! You should be - now all you need to do is act on this.
Now, I can’t teach game because I don’t have any, but there are a few things you can do that will get you in the swing of things:
The first is to get the balls to show some interest. If you meet a girl that you like then get the courage and chat her up a bit. All you need to do is ask her some questions and let her talk. If there’s some common interest like a movie or a sport then follow that sh-t up with a date. You need to practice failing, and be grateful for the failures. It's just like if you applied for one job, you wouldn't expect to get it right away with no experience.
Look, I can’t promise you that every girl you approach is going to be down, but your odds are f-ck of a hell lower if you don’t do anything. The point here is that you have to TRY. Even if you think a girl is out of your league give it a try. Trust me, this happens all the time (read here for a refresher).
The second thing you need do is talk to your girlfriends and ask them straight up why you’re always put in friend-zone. What they might say could sting, but you need to know if you’re doing anything that’s messing up your swagger.
Finally you need to branch out socially. The girls in your circle are a lost cause – it ain’t happening, so it’s time to spread the love. I grew up with dudes exactly like you. My two best buds were always the friend and never the f-ck, but it all changed for them as soon as they started hanging out with different people. They were both able to get a clean slate and from there re-define themselves with new people. So if that means joining a co-ed sports team this summer then get on it.
B, there you have it – I hope this helps! Keep me posted! xx Send your LIFE + STYLE questions coming in to email@example.com.