Sasha Answers: Married one month
Don't laugh, but I've been married for a little over a month now and things have been rocky from the start. I'm not sure how to start, but it’s been really difficult trying to talk to my husband and him to me. He has a negative attitude towards my friends so i stop talking to them since before we got married. His attitude toward my family is starting to be negative; my closest brother does not come around when we are home. Ooh i live in my family home because i take care of my mom who is bed ridden and he get angry cause i spend more time with her than i do with him. When i go out of my way to make him feel comfortable and leave mom watching TV in her room for about an hr before i go to check back on her. I can't deal with him like this on a constant basis and then i have to act all happy with my mom. Do you have any advice for me?
Ultimately this is your life and you have to make the decision whether you want to stay or go, but what I can tell you flat out is that your relationship is a total mess. If I were you, I'd ditch him.
We all get caught up in the little details of our fights L, but what you have to do is step back and see what’s really going on. What I mean is that the main issue here is not that he doesn’t like your friends or that he gets angry when you spend time with your mom, it’s that he’s trying to control you. That’s the red flag in all of this and I can tell you that when someone is trying to control you, they are seeking to destroy who you are. And there’s no cute way of spinning that into a cute thing; I’ve seen it far too many times and L, it’s a dangerous path to go down with someone. I’m very relieved to hear that you’re starting to see that.
So here's the deal: you have to either sh-t or get off the pot. If you know this dude is not the one and that you’ve made a giant mistake, then f-ck it and call it a day. It’s not like you guys have a whole bunch of ties to each other like kids, a house or anything like that. So as far as divorces go, you’re probably going to get out of this fairly unscathed. Yes, there will be tears and hurt feelings, but that comes with the territory of ending any relationship.
However, if you’re still not ready, if there’s still something inside of you that wants to give it one more try, then I support that decision. But don’t think that this will fix itself. The two of you have to be proactive and get some third party help on this so that you can really get to the root of the problem, before you have the solutions to fix them. Just promise me you won’t make that “one more try” last a lifetime.
Thanks for writing in and keep me posted! xx Keep your questions coming to me at firstname.lastname@example.org