Sasha Answers: Mo’ money mo’ problems and friends
Hi Sasha. My best friend for over 20 years was going through a really tough time finically because she had lost her job. I didn’t have a lot of extra cash lying around but I did give her as much as I could give – 2000 – to help her out. Things were tight but I wanted to help her out. Flash three months later, she got a great new job, and while I’m happy for her I can’t help but notice that she’s shopping a lot, going out for dinners and spending a lot of money on other stuff. I didn’t expect to get the money back but I feel dooped. I know I can’t ask her to pay me back but I want to. What would you do?
Mo’ money mo’ problems. That grammatical atrociousness is the truth.
Lending money can straight f-ck a friendship up, but S, I think it all comes down to what your intent was in giving in the first place. If I’m reading your letter correctly, it seems like your intent was just to help a friend out in need – no strings attached. If that’s the case, it’s not fair of you to start changing the actual deal half way through.
Had you had an IOU in place or even a verbal agreement of it being a loan, then fine, I’d have your back, but you gave the money as gift, a gesture of good friendship, so in my opinion you have to stand by that.
Sure, you didn't know she was going to get back on her feet so quickly, but the hope was that she would someday soon, right? So who cares if it came in 3 months or 12? S, the only advice I can give you here is to keep on being the good and supportive friend you've always been, and who knows, maybe she already has a plan in place to pay you back one day? She might just be revelling in the joy of having a new job (in between her shopping trips) for the moment. And I say let her.
So here's what I think: if nothing else has changed in your friendship, and her behaviour doesn't speak to some underlying sketchiness you've always worried about, then that $2000 bucks, well, suck it up and kiss it goodbye - it's your good karma that will kiss you right back.
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