Sasha Answers: My BF Is Sketchy

April 23, 2012 19:03:00 Posted at April 23, 2012 19:03:00
Sasha Posted by Sasha

Dear Sasha, I have a friend who I have been tight with for over 10 years. I consider her my closest friend so she has priority over all my other friends. I treat her like she's my sister.  Ok so here's some history you need to know before I get to the problem. She has been dating this guy for over 5 years, this guy however has a live in girlfriend of over 10 years. The girlfriend, from what i heard, has no clue whatsoever. I have always protected this secret for her, even lying to people who get suspicious. I don't judge my friend for this because she's my friend and it doesn't have anything to do with our relationship. Well... until just recently.

A few weeks ago she msgs me and tells me her sis was over and read a private blog that she left opened on her computer. In this blog she writes her feelings and the affair. She doesn't include names. So she freaks out that her sis might find out about her secret and she tells me that if her sis pushes she's gonna have to say it’s my blog. Of course I am not cool with this and tell her so. She doesn't want anyone thinking it’s her, why the hell would i want anyone thinking it’s me. Plus I'm in a happy new relationship and definitely don't want any rumors spreading. So I help her think of some cover ups.  Few days later she msgs me, tells me her sis confronts her.  Somehow at the end of their convo her sis thinks it’s me. She insisted she didn't imply it was me but her sis somehow thinks it is so she left it cuz she wanted the questioning to stop.

Anyways I'm upset and ask her to clear it up. She says she didnt have to tell me and i would never find out, cuz her sis would never say anything to anybody. I'm still not cool with this so finally she says she feels bad and will straighten it out and I will have nothing to do with it.
K i give it a week and ask her if it’s been cleared up. her response is that she's too busy cuz she's preparing for a trip she’s gonna take in a couple weeks. She says what's the difference if she clears it up now or later. That makes me more upset so she says she will clear it up before she leaves. I have faith in her that she will clear it up before she leaves, so i let it be. I don't hear from her at all next couple of weeks. Finally the day before she leaves I msg her and she doesn't respond.  She's gone on this trip and wont be back for a month. I'm so hurt and angry that she's done this to me when i have been nothing but a good friend to her. I'm so torn. One minute i want to msg her sis and tell her it’s not me, but a part of me doesn't want to do that to her. Should I just let it be, let her sis believe its me? Or should I clear it up myself and be done with her? Either way, I know we can't really be friends anymore.  Thanks, B

Ouch.  That’s some shady sh-t your friend pulled on your ass and B, I’m happy to hear that you’re not putting up with it.   

What I find so interesting is how your friend’s devious sh-t has finally leaked into her personal life as well.  She’s spent so long trying to hide this secret from family, friends and especially HERSELF, that it was only a matter of time before her lying became a lifestyle.  It shouldn’t surprise you that if you act sketchy for 5 years, then you become sketchy and it’s a shame she doesn’t have the clarity to see this yet.  

So B, here’s what you need to do:  Email, call, text, carrier pigeon, I don’t care how you do it, just get a hold of her sister and tell her the truth.  You shouldn’t have your name dragged through the mud a minute longer.  

As for a reconciliation with your friend?  I’m a bit torn.  I mean, if she comes back groveling for your forgiveness and genuinely sees the error of her ways then maybe you can hit refresh on the friendship button.  But the way I see it now is that if she was okay with selling you out, okay with ignoring you, okay with disregarding your feelings then I’m sorry, I think that’s weak as f-ck and I don’t think she’s worth any more of your time and energy.   

Keep me posted on how it all pans out! Xx

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