Sasha Answers: My BF’s Shady Texts

March 19, 2012 18:00:45 Posted at March 19, 2012 18:00:45
Sasha Posted by Sasha

Dear Sasha, I need your help. I've been with my boyfriend, D for 4 months. This is my first serious relationship. (I'm 20 years old.) We love each other, never had an actual fight, so all is great - or so I thought. Last weekend he went out with his friends both Friday and Saturday night and crashed at my place afterwards. Sunday morning I did something I shouldn't have. I looked into his phone while he was still sleeping. I found a message conversation with a girl, let's call her B. It started on Thursday with B asking about going out sometimes. On Friday D wrote that he wanted to do some packing at his brother's place (who moved out recently), but B could come and he would buy some wine... It did not happen. On Friday D asked whether she wanted to meet because then he would bring the keys to his brother's flat. It didn't happen either because as I mentioned earlier he went out and so did B with her friends. D messaged her during the evening asking about her whereabouts and saying that he really wanted to see her. That's how it ended. I haven't confronted him (yet) because, to be honest, I don't know if I should. He tells me often that he loves me very much and I know it's true. I feel it. But this situation, I don't understand. I thought I would wait a week and then look into his messages again and if I don't see any new ones I'll just try to forget the whole thing. Also, I'm afraid to bring it up because what I did, it wasn't nice either. Help! T

I’ll fess up –in the past, I’ve checked my boyfriend’s text messages.  I know people love to ride their high horses on this topic, but I’d betchya everyone one of you have been kicked off at least once when it comes to respecting your significant other’s privacy.

Listen T, I’m all for getting swooped up in love, but I’m never so blind to forget that at the start of a new relationship the person is still a stranger.  And when the truth isn’t at your disposal and your spidey senses are tingling, it’s sometimes the only option you have to get an answer.  Luckily I’ve only had to do this kind of check a couple of times; the sh-tty thing is that on both occasions I was right on.   

Now, while it's not ideal that you checked his phone, and obviously I don't recommend making a habit out of it, your instincts proved that your man has not been entirely honest with you.  So what to do?  If I were you I’d wait and suss out this situation for a few more weeks, and find out if all his stories about where he is and who he is with add up. Now it’s really important for me to warn you - I don’t want you to turn into a crazy insecure jealous freak. Every girl he talks to or is friends with cannot be a red flag or an excuse to go checking his personal sh-t.  This is not the point of this exercise. The point is to find out if this one particular guy is being sketch or not.

If he is, I think you need to be honest about your nosiness, confront him and then ditch his ass.  

If you find out that everything with him and B is above board, your sneaking around has to stop and so does your mistrust for him. Okay?  You’ll have to trust him if you want to have any chance in having a good and healthy relationship.    

Hope this helps and keep me posted.  

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