Sasha Answers: My Boyfriend’s Blowouts
Dear Sasha, I have been dating this guy for 9 months. I am 23 and he is 34. Age difference aside I really do love him and possibly see a future with him. He treats me great and when it comes down to it he is just a caring, loving, kind hearted guy. My problem with him though is that he likes to go to these music festivals during the summer for a few days. Okay, I have no problem with him going because I enjoy these festivals also. But he does like to do drugs at these things. These festivals are like Woodstock and I am just not down with that whole ‘drug scene.’ I have no problem with cannabis(should I be admitting that?) but when it comes to snorting drugs that crosses the line for me. I told him how much it bothers me and that I do not like him doing it. He said he only does it once a year at this one festival and that its his way to let loose. I am really concerned that this is the reason why I will end things with him (and I really don’t want to.)It really is just something I can never be down with. Should I talk to him again about it? Put my foot down saying if he does it again then thats the end? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!
You would hope that by 34 one would realize that snorting lines is flat out lame. I’m still surprised that I know a few people who do it on the regular. No matter how badly I don’t want to judge them, I can't help but cringe when I see their dislocating grinding jaw, but what’s even worse is when they start assaulting your ears by useless close-talking-coke chatter. F-ck, at least heroin addicts just go to sleep.
L, everyone has different expectations and deal breakers in a relationship and when it comes to your partner’s partying habits each person has their own limits - some are cool with extreme Whitney Houston levels of partying and then others, like you, want to keep it at a Miley Cyrus salvia level. It really all boils down to what you can handle.
So here's how I see your sitch: if your man’s once a year blow out (pun intended) is one too many, then you absolutely need to voice your concerns about it with him again. I wouldn’t throw around any ultimatums just yet, but I would sit him down and let him know how badly this bothers you. Look, if he’s as nice and loving as you say then I'm sure he'll be willing to swap a rolled up 20 for some beers. If he can't, well, then maybe his once a year snort fest might be more of an issue than you think. The bottom line is if you want a future with him you both need to be on the same page when it comes to the basics and one of those basics is absolutely whether or not he uses illicit drugs. So stand your ground and do not compromise.
(Lainey: I just googled “Boyfriend with a drug problem” to find a photo to go with this post and the first images that come up on Google are of Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux. WtF?)