Sasha Answers: My Friend is a Sloppy Second
Hi Sasha, So, a close friend of mine has been in this "relationship" for almost five years. The thing is…. he has a girlfriend and they are serious (as serious as looking for an apartment to buy together as an investment.. which fell through but for other reasons). My friend A, she's 23, and this guy, B, he's 29, have been friends since forever but it wasn't until he was with this other girl, M, that they started seeing each other as something more than friends.
They started this affair almost five years ago and its STILL going on…. he broke up for a few months with M but they're back together now (even though she knew he had stepped out on the relationship..only not with A). I said "relationship" at first because of the way they behave and treat each other (he sees A more than he sees his real girlfriend) and it’s not just about sex... She lived abroad for a while and he would send her packages with pictures of them and stuff, she would go back home and wouldn't see her parents or friends to be with him, etc.
My friend is miserable because he is a selfish prick who "can't decide" who he really loves...which is bullsh-t because to me it’s clear he's made his decision and it’s not A. My problem is that I don't know what to tell my friend. I told her that she should stop it but she has tried but she ALWAYS goes back. They talk to each other every single day so every time she has plans or goes out he gets jealous and she's not even able to enjoy herself because of that. Help? Thanks, C
There is nothing sadder than someone who thinks that being a sloppy second is an okay place to be. I wish there was some magic wake-the-f*ck-up pill, but this dude is her crack and just like any junkie, she needs to hit rock bottom.
Somehow along the way she lost her self-worth and has let this guy lower the bar on what is acceptable and respectful behavior. I’ve seen this before with a couple of my friends and C, it takes a long time until they see the light. The only thing you can do is continue to be that truth serum in her life, and honestly, that’s all.
Having said that though this has been going on far too long and when it comes down to it, this is not your burden to carry. So if I were you I’d tell her once and for all that the topic of their “relationship” is off the table. That you’ve said you’re your peace and you no longer want it to affect your life and your friendship with her.
Look, I know you want to be a good supportive friend, but that doesn't always mean supporting your friend's bad decisions.
Hope this helps and thanks for writing in! xx Keep sending in your questions here.