Sasha Answers: My best friend doesn’t love me in that way
I'm in love with my best friend and I don't know what to do. I can't help it, I swoon whenever I see him. All of my friends say he is unattractive, but when we're together, we have so much fun, and I always make him laugh(which I love making him laugh). Before my last relationship, so about 3-4 years ago, we used to hang out ALL THE TIME. Then one night we got so drunk, we made a movie on his pc where he put his arm around me and said I was his bestest friend ever and he kissed me. like, we made out. Fast forward to February when we started talking more and more. It started off with the "I miss you lets hang out again" on fb. We started seeing each other and I found out he was going to Japan, and we started talking about how we planned to go together like 3-4 years ago but we never did it. Then it was suggested that I should go and he was all for it, and.... I went. In April.
It was my first international trip and it was amazing. It was great. When I came back he stayed for another month and we spoke on fb messenger alllll the time. When he came back for my birthday he even called me and we hung out. We have been doing it regularly since. He knows how I feel about him. He's told me that he doesn't want a relationship. I brought this up again on sunday, about how I loved him and that it was starting to be painful to be around him and do pretty much "couple things" including the sex for MONTHS and it's just not official, and he told me he doesn't see me in that way, like a girlfriend, and he started crying. I told him that I don't think I should ever see him again because it really IS painful. I adore him. We had a really honest conversation, and I admitted to him that once I had opened his journal in the beginning of September when I was waiting for him at his moms place and that page ended up being the page when we did it overseas….. he wrote that I was amazing, funny, kind, and how awesome we are when we get together. except I wasn't that good looking. All he said was he was sorry he was so shallow. And when I asked why we weren't in a relationship if I'm so amazing and I do all these things for him, he said "if you really want to get into it, it's because we are both negative people. What does this all mean? F
While I was reading through the first paragraph of your letter I was actually smiling – this all sounded like such a cute blossoming love affair; almost like the perfect movie role for Emma Stone to star in, then all of a sudden…….it went to sh-t.
Look F, there’s nothing worse than being strung along by a dude. Having to side step through all the bullsh-t mixed messages is so goddamn confusing, not to mention the sh-ts for your self-esteem. BUT, I have hope, because when you finally see the light, when you finally get that it’s never ever going to happen, it’s really, truly eye-opening and liberating. Sure, it’ll suck to know that you’ve been rejected, but finally making the mental shift to move the f-ck on is rad.
Now, I’ve got to admit that I’m a bit worried that you’re not actually getting the big ass flashing marquee sign that reads: this guy is NOT interested. I mean, he’s taken a pen and actually written it down on paper, and like, you read those words with your own eyes, right? What else needs to happen for you to get the hint?
And sh-t, I don’t even know what to say about his lame excuse of you both being “negative people”?!?!? What does that even mean?! To me it just sounds like a sly cop out which will tie you over so that he continues to tap your ass without any commitment. Now tell me F, does this sound like a sweet deal to you?
I know you don’t want to hear this, but it’s time for you to bail the f-ck out of this “relationship”. It’s going nowhere. No amount of time and no words are going to change his mind. So do yourself a favor and cut him out of your life. I know, I know…you’re losing your best friend too! I hear ya, and hopefully when the pain subsides you guys can be friends again, but for now you need to go your separate ways.
Hope this helps and keep me posted. Keep your Life + Style questions coming my way here.