Sasha Answers: My best friend is The One
Good afternoon Sasha. Long story short, I ended up befriending an undergraduate student at the university. Ev.erything just clicked between us; our friendship came easily. We have a lot in common. We are known as a duo on campus because we are together most of the time, some people even assuming that we are a couple.
Some of his other friends at school have told me multiple times that he is interested in me as more than a friend, but I have never paid attention to that because he has never said anything to make me think that his behavior is due to anything other than us being really good friends. He also seems to have a lot of other girls pursuing him, so I assume if he had feelings for me, he would say something or get rid of the other girls. He has done neither.
He buys me gifts, he traveled a LONG way to be with me for my birthday, he has met my friends and my mom, we go out places, we cuddle and watch sports and movies multiple times a week, sometimes him initiating the physical closeness. There have been a few times, though, when I have pulled away or become distant out of confusion. I am starting to get confused and frustrated because my feelings are no longer strictly platonic.
My feelings are growing and I am at the point where our friendship just makes me more frustrated. There have probably been three times since the new year where I have just stopped talking to him completely, and it's horrible because I know it is childish. We are not speaking right now, and I know that eventually he is going to get tired of my sh*t, so I feel that a decision on my part needs to be made soon. Do feelings for my best friend mean I need to end the friendship? R
Let me settle this for you right now - the dude likes you. He likes you very, very much. No guy, friend or no friend, would be putting all the time and energy into another person if they didn’t want something more. I mean, I don’t know what your definition of friendship is but mine sure as sh-t doesn’t involve cuddling. So R, here’s the easy part: if you want something with him it’s on like donkey kong.
So my question to you is: why are you making this way more difficult than it needs to be?
R, the whole time I was reading your letter I was wondering what the ish was here, and then ta-da it all made sense in your final few sentences. No wonder this guy hasn’t come out and expressed his undying love for you when, homegirl, it’s pretty apparent you’ve built up some serious emotional walls around you. He’s not the confusing one, you are. How do you think it makes him feel when you freeze him out of your life every month or pull away from him when he makes a move?
Listen, I know you don’t want to lose the platonic friendship, but I’m sorry to break it to you - it’s not what you’re in anymore. All this unspoken stuff between the two of you has changed the dynamic, but the good news is that you’re both in agreement; even though neither of you have openly said it - you want to take the relationship to another level.
So R, the long and short of this is stop being such a weirdo about all of this and just go for it.
Thanks for writing in and keep me posted! And for the rest of you keep your questions coming to me at email@example.com.