Sasha Answers: My boyfriend is having a baby with another girl
So I need some help with making a decision. I met a guy at the end of last year, he is now my boyfriend and after only two months of dating, we feel pretty strongly about each other.
The problem? He's having a baby with another girl.
In his first week of university he had a few one night stands and it just so happens that one of these girls got pregnant. She has decided to keep the baby, although if it was up to him he would choose not to. However, he has decided to support her and is going to scans and she is meeting his family.
He was honest with me from the start and I wasn't too fazed by it all but the more stronger my feelings for him get the more I'm struggling to cope. I'm worried he'll decide he wants to be with her, I'm sad that his first baby will not be with me, I'm angry that he was so careless, I'm jealous that he has to meet up with another woman. All in all I'm confused. I don't know if staying with him is the right thing to do if I can't accept the fact he is having a child with another woman. People keep saying 'nothing will change.' But I need better advice than this! Help. L
Well, whoever is telling you nothing will change is full of sh-t because this baby will absolutely change everything. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but to think that things will remain as they are is totally naïve.
Look, I appreciate how honest you’re being with your insecurities here, but if you want any chance of your relationship working out, you have just under 9 months to figure out your issues. So here are a few things you’ll have to come to terms with:
1) Yes, he will be seeing the mother of his child often. This baby will connect their lives forever so you have no choice but to get used to it. There’s no way around it and you’d be an asshole to make him feel guilty for contacting and interacting with her.
2) No, his first baby will not be with you. Sorry, but there’s no stuffing this kid back up the birth canal. Of course, that doesn’t mean if you also have a baby with him that you're some kind of sloppy seconds. Come on, get a grip.
3) Yes, he was careless. See: no de-stuffing of baby.
4) My advice is, no, you shouldn’t be with him if you can’t handle all of this.