Sasha Answers: My boyfriend’s drunk text to another woman
Hi Sasha, I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 7 years now. We immigrated to Canada 4 years ago and are in a serious relationship - we've picked out my engagement ring and I know he is planning to propose when we go home for Christmas this year. We both work constantly and have since we moved, and as a result have little time for socializing and have only a few friends.
However, when he or we do occasionally go out for drinks with friends, he goes completely overboard and drinks far too much. In fairness, the friends we go on these outings with drink a lot too, but he does stupid things 90% of the time. Things like getting kicked out of a bar (happened once) or getting kicked out of a club (also has happened once) for being drunk.
Anyway, the latest incident happened this past weekend. I met him in a bar after work with some of his colleagues, and we all had far too much to drink. We had a good night and left to go home, catching a taxi. I ordered food delivery on the way home and when we got back to our apartment he fell asleep. The delivery arrived and they called his phone, so I answered. For some reason, I looked at his messages (which I never, ever do, and have no idea why I did then). I found a message he had sent to a work colleague of his, a girl. He had sent it at some point when we were making our way home, and it said "I love you." I woke him up and asked about it but he was pretty drunk and had no idea what I was on about. I took a screenshot and left it until the morning. The next morning, I asked to see his phone and he had deleted his message stream with her, but I had the screenshot. He claims he can't remember sending the message, and that it meant nothing. I've also pieced together from his phone that he called her a few minutes after sending the text, but she didn't answer. He says he had no idea why he called her, maybe to apologize for sending the message.
I'm not sure what to do - Do I give him the benefit of the doubt since we had both had so much to drink, or do I dump him?
We all do some pretty dumb sh-t when we are drunk. We say highly inappropriate crap, we barf on things, we go home with super unfortunate people - I mean, it’s an endless self-loathing list … BUT telling someone else you love them when you’re engaged, errr, that takes it to a whole other level.
You know, it’s not even like it was a “hey” or “what’s up?” text. Nope, T, your boyfriend of 7 years used his fingers to type “I love you” to another woman. So you wanna talk about that benefit of the doubt thing for a sec? ‘Cause I don’t see where that applies.
Look, I’m not saying he’s currently sticking his dick in this chick, but something’s definitely going on, or at the very least lurking right under his subconscious. So, sorry, I just don’t buy that he doesn’t know why he texted her and T, I don’t think you do either…..
What to do? Well, if it were me, I’d start packing up my sh-t. For real. I know that’s easier said than done, especially when you have such a long history with someone; at the end of the day T, you have to decide what you’re willing to put up with it.
Obviously, everyone is flawed and everyone f-cks up. If you feel like you can really get to the bottom of this and rebuild the trust in the relationship then, as much as I don’t like the idea, I’ll support you on that. The one thing that I hope you do is make sure you stay honest with yourself. Stay honest with what you want from another person and more importantly stay honest with who you want to be in a relationship.
Thanks for writing in and keep me posted! xx