Sasha Answers: My boyfriend’s tactile girlfriend
I've been with my bf G for 3 happy years. We've been living together for two of those and things are progressing really well. I feel like it's important to mention, since not only am I very happy with G, but I also fully trust him.
G is more of a guy's guy, but he also has some really close female friends. However, my problem is with one of his other close female friends, H. Now I actually get along quite well with H, who lives in Vancouver. She's fun, she's quick and of course really pretty. And yes, I am definitely a little jealous of her.
The thing is, I do get jealous of the attention that my boy gives her. While H has lots of qualities, she's also relatively high drama and demands a fair bit of attention. I've mentioned it before to G, and while he admits it to be true, he feels like he has to give her a bit more attention than normal when he sees her because she is that way and he doesn't see her often. I guess I resent the fact that he feels like he needs to give her special attention, since as the gf I feel self-entitled to special attention.
The other thing that bothers me is that I've noticed in pictures, they do tend to be more touchy with each other than I'd like. H tends to be that way with guys in general, but I'm not use to G being that way with girls, even with his best friends.
How can I deal with this situation? S
Chest bump to you for being so honest about your jealousy. A lot of other girls would have slagged her off as a “slut” or a “bitch” in order to justify their own insecurities. So YAY for you! And for that one reason alone, I know you’re reading the friendship between your man and H sanely. Thank god.
So S, your question made me think about my friendship with one of my best friends, Adam. We’re legit buds and have been for almost two decades. I’ve never seen his dick and he’s never seen mine – we are just friends for life. But you made me wonder: do I treat him differently than my girl friendships? The answer is, YES I do. I do give him “special attention” and I know that I get that from him too.
Legitimate girl/boy friendships aren’t anomalies, but they are rare, and just by virtue of being rare they become “special”. And S, while I’m all about equal rights and feminist bra burning, the bottom line is that girls are different, and have different needs. Let’s face it, on the whole, girls can be more sensitive and require more attention than your everyday ball-scratching dude.
When it comes to your man giving “H” a little more attention, like, putting in a few more phone calls or texts than to his other male friends, I get that. My only concern is if you think his attention toward her, is attention that's being taken away from you. I’m not quite sure that’s what’s happening though; I think that might be where your jealousy is rearing its ugly head.
Now, where I do have your back is with all the touchy-feely sh-t. Her paws should be 100% off your man – no lap sitting, no touching hands, no back rubbing. So if that is happening, I’d be straight up and tell him that you’re uncomfortable with it, and that he needs to respect your feelings. The end. If he’s as good of a guy as you say he is he’ll listen up.
S, jealousy is like the cancer of emotions. If that sh-t runs wild, it'll eat up everything good the two of you have built together. I say, if your boy’s given you no reason not to trust him, then why make one up?
I hope this helps and keep me posted! xx