Sasha Answers: My corny boyfriend

July 22, 2013 18:23:11 Posted at July 22, 2013 18:23:11
Sasha Posted by Sasha

Hi Sasha, I'm in my early 30's and have had crap luck in the love department until recently.  I've been dating someone for a little over 3 months who has almost everything I've been looking for.  I originally friend-zoned him because he came on a little strong, but once he relaxed a bit I found him to be supportive, kind, romantic, and he has honesty and integrity in spades.  So what's the problem right?

Well, sometimes in being affectionate his delivery gets a little middle school...I mean super-corny with a side of TRY.  Examples: "How's my beautiful, gorgeous, amazing baby doing today?" or "If you're feeling some type of way later and want to see your MAN, just let me know."  Seriously, some of the things he says could come right out of a tween Nickelodeon show.  When he lays it on thick like this it all seems a bit silly and contrived...though I believe that he really means it.  
My past relationships have been with pretty narcissistic guys, so I really don't want to be that girl who is only attracted to guys that treat me like crap. Do you break up with a guy for being too gushy? Am I crazy? Thanks, R

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I know there are a whole bunch of women out there who would love to be on the receiving end of this kind of cheese talk, but R, I’ve got your back on this one because his version of romance would straight choke my boner.

 That said, no need to start packing up, because I promise you, it can be fixed.

When I first started dating my husband he was totally what I had been looking for except for the fact that he’d do this one majorly pussy-ass thing.  During the first week of dating he’d come by my house every day and bring me my favorite candy – peanut M&M’s – and we’d share the bag out on my deck.   Sweet and cute, right?  Totally. 

But after a while I started to notice that dude wouldn’t take an M&M out of the bag until I did. So I started testing that sh-t out.  I’d eat one right away then he’d eat one right away.  I’d wait it out a couple of seconds…..eat one, and then he’d eat one. Then I started dragging those intervals out….. 5mins, 10mins, 30 mins….no movement until I’d dive in. It drove me bat-shit crazy because what kind of puss-face won't eat f-cking chocolate when he f-cking wants to. 

I finally confronted him and asked him what the f-ck he was doing, and oh my god - his shocked little face, his cute explanation - was just...was just that he wanted to be polite and didn’t want me to think he was greedy. 

I ate all of my sh-tty emotions that night for being such an asshole.

So, R, trust me, from crazy bitch to crazy bitch I get what you’re talking about, BUT this is nothing to break up over.  I mean, it would be insane to end something with someone because they like you as much as you like them. 

Basically, what you need to do is easy – let him know that his lines ain’t doing any good.  Now delivery is key because the last thing you want is for him to turn into some emotionless jerk, so as long as you straddle the line of being jokey, honest and sensitive this should be a quick fix.

Thanks for writing in and keep your LIFE + STYLE questions….to sasha@laineygossip.com.

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