Sasha Answers: My dad’s dating younger
Hey Sasha, My mom left when I was 4, so my dad raised me alone. He’s great and I love him to death, but he has never been good at dating or balancing his love life and me. He has had at least 20 girlfriends - not counting the random extra women- coming in and out of his life and therefore my life. He forces a relationship between these women and me even though they never stick around long enough for us to actually bond. This has always bothered me, but it’s never been to this degree. He is now dating a girl who is barely older than me. I’m turning 20, she’s 23 and my dad is 48!!!
I feel bad about it cause my dad has sacrificed so much for me, but it just feels so inappropriate. He seems happy to be with her, but I’m really hoping it doesn’t work out. I don’t know how to tell him how I feel. I don’t want to hurt his feelings. K
If it makes you feel any better K, I can relate. My dad has always dated younger women; in fact I think he actually tried to pick up Lainey at my wedding so, yah, there’s that. But K, I have to say I decided a long time ago to not give a sh-t when it comes to how or who my dad gets his swerve on with.
That’s not say though that I haven’t been icked out. I mean, if I let my mind actually picture my dad putting the moves on ANYONE, barf works its way up, but K, you and I both need to get a mutherf-cking grip.
Your father has put in his time and now you have to let him have his. What matters to me (and I know you) is whether he is happy, and whether these women genuinely have his best interests at heart. If you can check off both those criteria, then there’s no reason to have beef with who our poppas want to share their time with.
Now where there is a problem is when he’s trying include you into these relationships. I agree with you K, that’s not a nice thing for you to have to deal with. I’m sure his reasoning is that he wants you to feel included and you know what? I’m sure part of why he’s dating so fast and furious is, yes, to get laid, but more importantly I’m sure he’s trying to give you the mother figure you never had.
Listen, there’s no doubt that your father is a good man, but I don’t think he realizes that he may be going about this the wrong way. So K, all you need to do is to have a grown-up conversation with your old man and lay it out there. Let him know that he needs to be more sensitive to your feelings when bringing all these different women in and out of your life, that it’s tough on you and that moving forward you only want to meet the ones that truly have staying power.
Otherwise, you’re not interested in meeting them at all. That should do the trick when it comes to setting some boundaries in your relationship with him and the relationships with these women.
Hope this helps and keep me posted! And as for the rest of you send all your LIFE + STYLE questions coming to me at firstname.lastname@example.org.