Sasha Answers: My fiance’s DUI
Hi Sasha, My life has been fantastic. Living my dream as a full time journalist, recently engaged, and house hunting. However, something has happened that has totally sidetracked my life. The Friday night before my fiancée and I were going to make an offer on a house we loved he decided to go out with his friends. I recommended he make it an early night- tomorrow was a big day. Around 1 AM I got a dreaded phone call- he got a DUI. Crushing hardly covers it. This affects his job (he drives for work and other employees have been fired for this), will drain our savings with lawyer fees and look really, really bad for our families as we plan our wedding. But the really big factor here, I am completely disgusted. A DUI is completely against my moral code, and I thought his as well. He could have killed someone! He's a 32 year old man who truly knows better than to jeopardize the lives of others. I always thought a DUI would be a deal breaker for me. How could I raise children with a man who thinks that is acceptable? In one night, I feel like everything we have been working towards for years has been destroyed. I don't know what to do. K
Yes. Totally irresponsible. Yes. Disgusting. Yes. Totally deadly. I'm with you on all counts, K, but are you asking me if you should end the engagement over this? If so, then I have to say that’s a bit extreme.
People f-ck up all the time and while your fiance’s f-ck up is a big f-ck up, I don’t think you should up and leave his ass over it. Had you said that he has a drinking problem or that he's done this more than once, well, then yes, I would feel entirely different about things, but if this is his one major blunder in your “fantastic” life then I think you need to slow your roll.
You can still be supportive while not supporting the behaviour. From what you've told me he feels horrible about it and here’s hoping this was a huge wake-up call to never be so selfish - risking other people’s lives - again. K, I have no doubt you’ll hammer that point home, but it’s also important for you to be there for him. Again, I'm no excusing his behaviour at all, drinking and driving is sick, but I think the whole “through thick and thin” thing kind of applies right now.
Thanks for writing in and let me know who it all pans out! Keep all your questions coming to me at firstname.lastname@example.org.